mamatay kana.. hehe!

dyhk ehy su!

yougu hy dymyky! yryryr!!

sysihtug gy hy myhk! byhkad!


ipagpaumanhin nyo.. mawawala din ako sa mode na toh..

=)


nga pala, thanks chief for making this vector art.. =)

1000 funtc, cah hu gudupy fy

syrym byneh gedy...

drec ec uin mycd lryhla..

uha mycd dno...


sept 17 2007

nagugutom ako..

fymy myhk.. ebubucd gu du tyrem kicdu gu hy pinyreh cy ygehk ehpuq..
pyged hkyouh su by hyecebyhk syhmekyf? te hgu sygigiry hk sky cymedy su..
kyoihbysyh.. cunno. ecyhk hybygymygehk cunno cyi..
RIME HY YHK MYRYD!
gca behygyfymyh su by gu.. pyd ryrypum rypum gy by hkyouh?? yhi gyemyhkyh su?? rsbb..
YOUGU HY CYOU!

rana'c ouin buas.. bycymysyd gy pehmuk gu by du.. ryryry
sept 13, 2007 18:33

---e tnaysat uv oui cu silr dryd e lyh'd paydra..ajah druikr e's cabynydat fedr oui , fro tu e cdemm vaam mega e's eh oui ynsc? Frah e mecdah, e rayn ouin raynd payd.. E's dra uhmo uha eh dra fumt dryd raync dryd cuiht.. frah e's ymuha, e aymmo lranecr dymgehk du oui so ruhao ajah druikr ed'c ypuid vuumecr drehkc.. E muja oui cu silr dryd e lyh'd pnaydra..So mesed ec cdemm vyn yfyo.. Bmayca knyhd sa drec muja....

too late

some things are not meant to be..

..

oil and water.. (wenks may emulsifier)
hollows and death gods..

nagkulang ka, sumobra naman ako. 'di sakto.


hmm..
whatever!!
i hope this is the last time that i blog about this..

but..

thank God it's over!



bitter strawberry
(+ allei+)

out of the grayness in my head..

still i can't patch things together now,
with these eyes now clearly seeing black and white..

i tried my best,
now there is nothing i can do for you..

the way i used to be,
something has touched my heart..
something which made me feel content,
something which is now gone..

did i understand myself?
i didn't.

did i understand you?
i did..
but it's just too late now..


i never meant to hurt you,
i was running from emotions i wasn't ready for..

"please don't go.."

but you did.
and left me here..

i once thought that by forgiving we are forgiven..
you proved me wrong..

i tried my best,
and there is nothing i can do now..


i guess i just loved you too much.

____________________
shak


This happiness that I feel..
all the friends that I have here, you the best present..
I am blessed because you're always by my side..
Surely things that I have accomplished here,
those things too, give me strength..
But your support has helped me endlessly..
thank you.

you were always there at my relief..
nobody ever understood me the way you do..
i hope this friendship never ends..

well, i wish you all the good things in life, if not the best..
i know we'll be okay soon..
i can sense happiness getting near..
the best things coming..
no more pain.


Love and Smile always..
Happy birthday shak..

stars..

waiting for the moon..

the antidote worked.. =D

i was forgiven..




i can feel the wind blow in this place..

where i see the stars beyond the window pane..
shining so bright, here in this night..
here i feel a sense of love..

deep in my heart i cry for you,
every tear that falls feels like a wound..
the stars in the skies gently shines..
taking away my pain..


i hear a voice gently saying "don't be afraid"
i feel a warmth come over me,
as i sleep in their embrace..

i do have the strength to go on...
now i'll try to hold on.. with you..
i know this love is worth something...


even though our dreams don't come true at this point in time,
i'll just remember every moment with you..


like the stars that shine forever,

i'll treasure my love for you.


'till then..






.. after 16 hours..

i guess i wasn't forgiven after all..

placebo2 (know your enemy)

nabasa mo ba ang placebo one?

lason ang nainom ko..
at naipainom sa iba.

di pala placebo.

that's all thank you..



wicked fool mode.
mali ako mali ako mali ako!

irreversible damage naba ito??
wala bang undo? =D


nagtxt si trese: mali sinabi ko.. wla xang iba.
me: the damage is done.. ='( (bobo ko! nakakainis ka! inutusan ka ba nya para magconfess bago xa bitayin?)



sa pagkakataong ito mahirap nanaman gumawa ng hakbang..

kikilos ba ako?
maghihintay?

pano kung ang hinihintay kong episode ay hindi na pala ipapalabas?

ako ba ang gagawa ng episode?
dapat ba akong gumawa ng episode?
kailan ko dapat gawin ang episode?
pano kung tanggihan ako ng producer?

kumalat na ba ang lason at wala na ba akong oras para gumawa ng antidote?

mga tanong...


parang nag-take ako ng exam ni bonaks..
binigyan ako ng parehong bote na may lamang parehong characteristics na likido..

isang lason..
at isang antidote..
kailangan kong i-identify .. which is which?


tanging ang paginom lang ang paraan upang malaman ko kung alin..

mukhang ang nainom ko sa unahan ay ang lason..
at mukhang naipainom ko pa sa iba..

magpapasorry ba ako??
para?..?

kailangan na bang kantahin ang kantang to? (haia sorry pareho ata tayo lagi.)

Over
~ayu~

I still remember your face..
when you were about to say something on that day
I'm sorry for not having heard you out..

I honestly love you
I didn't have a little more courage

And hid my tears though I knew
we would never be as we were
I parted from you waving my hand and saying "See you again"
I parted from you as usual..

It is easier than we think..
to let go of each other's hand
But it is difficult to join hands again, isn't it?

I can't smile without you..
I could not say just one word..

The wind is cold.. I'm in tears now.
Now I know it's not me alone, who feels the coldness
But seems too late..

What is getting little by little farther by the distance?
Do I forget little by little as time passes by?

It was a treasure, wasn't it?
I wished to protect it more than anything else.

____

masaya naman birthday.. (c'mon mahirap maging masaya pag may bumabagabag sayong kalooban.. may conscience at super-ego pla ako..)

gang dito nalang muna..


-guilty-

placebo part 1 (super modified)

1:51 am

birthday ko ngayon.
eh anu naman?




it means na kailangan mong basahin ang nobelang to up to the last word.
kung kakilala mo talaga ako..
basahin mo to.. word by word.
sumilip ka sa makasalanang mundo ko.
salamat.

oo gising pako..
my tummy hurts..
and i'm cold..
not because of the room temperature right now..
naka-sweatshirt na nga ako eh.

may nag-Greet sakin..
isang taong iniwan ko ng bigla..
yun kung bakit ako biglang nilalamig.

eh anu naman ngayon?
binalewala lang ako eh..

i finally cut off.
why?
why delilah..

uhm.. here it goes..

i txted tap bout the eclipse that was about to take place..
rep: ha? ano? ano yun??
me: duh? you txted me that it will happen this 27 and.. blah blah..(27 is a significant number.)
tap: ha? ano? pakirefresh?
me: huh.. yaan m nlng sayo galing tas di mo alam ngayon.. ulyanin!
tap:ha?
me: (naiinis na) wala yaan m nlang. sorry.
tap:hayy
me:ulyanin.


see? anu kaya yun
oops may nagtxt.

trese: eclipse??
...
me: (rep after 3 hrs) eclipse?
trese: yup, i saw your msgs to him kaninang nagtatado eh.. bati na kayo?
me: uh? ganun ba? musta naman? alam mo naman kami. parang di kami. galit yan sakin. hehehe..buhay pa ba?(anung pakealam mo kung kami pa?)
trese: uhm yeah. napansin ko kc yung mga txt nya sayo puro "HA?" "ANO".. la lang
me: masaya naman ako. hahaha.. eh anu ngayon (chorva.. dahil lang sa bagong bili kong pampaganda.. cge magtado ka jan magdamag. alam ko naman kaligayahan mo, tado eh. marami namang adik sa tado)
trese: and uhm, i think meron na rin xa iba, i saw his phone iba na wallpaper and the girl never looked anything like you.

me: thinkin- (1000000 million neurotransmitted info flashback chorva per second)

# 1- watda? meron na rin xa iba? u're assuming na meron na ako? duh? ok ka lang?
# 2- awts.demet.. yung unggoy na yun? kaya pala.. marunong na pala mag Two time ang mga unggoy.(bagong conclusion!)
# 3- pwedeng ang babaeng yun ay yung crush nya na koreana na sinasabi nya sakin.. ?? patay na patay xa dun kamukha ko un
# 4- lagi namang babae wallpaper nun. pwedeng si angelina jolie.. hmm
# 5- alalahanin mo di ka rin naging faithful sa kanya.. wallpaper mo si jeff, dami mo pang katxt jan.. bf? duh, non existent. wala ako bf.
# 6- pinapraning mo ko.. di tayo close gago.
# 7- pagkakaalam ko dun di marunong manligaw. ako nga di masustentuhan eh, magdadagdag pa?
# 8- kaya pala nung last akong kumalas pinagbigyan nya ako.. wee
# 9- chance mo na yan! at least you can get off na xa may kasalanan sa failure na ito! hehehe! wag ka na maawa! waag!! (sama ko)
# 10- baka nga meron na.. di ako pinapansin maxado eh (kc siguro lagi ako bitter sa kanya and i was always pushing him away.. normal lang na ipagpalit ako
# 11-kasalanan ko. karmaticus na e-teach! di ko xa masisisi dahil di ako naging faithful noon.. sinabi ko pa sakanya.. at ngayon.. ganito marahil ang nararamdaman nya noon.. di ako pwede manumbat.. my crime's the same
# 12- nagtitrip si trese.


me: txted- uh? ganun ba? ako wala akong iba eh..(wala pa na solid, hehe) kaya pala pinagbibintangan ako na may third party!(nagmamalinis!)
gatas *tinarantado nanaman pala ako! nagtitiis ako dito tas ganon!!(sinasayko kita trese)

trese: hmm.. you deserve better. find someone better. ganda mo kaya.
me: ah okay thanks..i'm so thankful you're doing this..(chorva) nga pala, greet mko lapit na bday ko. ha? ha 13? gift ko ha(changing topic)
trese: uhmm.. pwede na ba puso ko? (wid matching smiley)
me: ay? meron pako trese, cge magDonate ka nalang sa iba. (tang ina mo di kita type.gago ka pla eh.. pumoporma ka lang pla bat naninira ka pa jan)
trese: aw. sorry. goodluck na lang.. be happy. ano tinext mo ba?
me: oo. sabi ko.. cnu yung iba mo? rep si tap, na di nya ako maintindihan
trese: ah oks.. manyak yun
me: anything else i need to know? (gagu kaw din.. di na nga makalapit yun sakin.. dapat di kami nagdidikit simula nung.. basta. di pede.. kahit holding hands)
trese: (mabagal na magreply) wala na..
me: okay trese, mas malaki pa nga tiwala ko sayo kesa sakanya.. (chorva.. kinokonsenxa kita)
trese: ako din.. kahit di pa tayo nagkikita
me thinkin: wooh.. lokohin mo lola mo


oks.

sa pagkakataong ito. umiiyak nako.. hmm.. nagngingitngit ako sa galit.
naku at nakita ako ng nanay ko..
tinanong ako anong problema.. sabi ko wala..
wala naman talaga eh.. gusto ko lang umiyak..

yung impormasyong ibinigay sakin.. masakit.
kahit na.. isa itong THEORY!

What matters to me is not whether it's true or not.. but that i believe it to be true..
in short, wala akong pakealam kung totoo yun o hindi.. basta paniniwalaan kong ganun para matapos na rin.
(yan ang sinabi at ginawa ng immature kong utak. cra ata ako. oo sira ako)

stupid?
kinda..
niloloko ko sarili ko.. pinainom ko ng placebo ang sarili ko.. galing. naloko ko sarili ko.

yun nga lang, damay magulang ko..
galit ako sa kadahilanang hindi naman proven.

bwisit kainis talaga ugali ko.. kaya pag umiiyak ako dapat wag nalang pansinin!
mababaw lang talaga ang luha ko.. sore!

isa pa. hindi ganun ka-reliable ang source ng impormasyon. yehay

reasons:

#1. di kami close.. duh
#2. may galit xa kay tap.. (gf ako eh. hehe.. kapal)
#3. pag may tinatanong ako na relevant talaga, di nanagrerep! naka linya xa alam ko! uhmp!
#4. bakit xa biglang magtetxt ng ganun? di ko naman xa hi-nire na detective spy chorva
#5. sinabi nya toh: "oh? sinabi mong ako? baka madamay ako jan ah?" (eh gago ka pla bakit mo pa chinismis sakin kung ayaw mo madamay?? you are held accountable and responsible for your actions!!)
#6. marami na kaming pinagdaanan ni tap. 'di nyo lang alam pero oo.. walang kalaban sa istoryang ito. sya lang talaga laging nagmumukhang masama.(dahil sakin)


yoo hoo! parang nawala ako sa hulog sa pagsusulat dahil katxt ko sya ngayon. leche.. aaminin ko masaya ako.
(pero labo namin.. yayaya)

sabi nya: kung tayo talaga, tayo rin sa huli.
naisip ko: malabo na yun mangyari..hindi tayo! kahit mahal kita. kasalanan ko rin.. ang maling impormasyong napunta sa magulang ko ay di ko naitama..
marami akong ginawang mali sayo.. nasiraan kita.. dahil sa galit..sa pagiging paranoid ko na namana ko pa sa aking ninuno.
tinuring din kitang kaaway.(leche natugtog ang 1000 words)

-real time-
--
tap: kung yan ang gusto mo.. sana lang maging masaya ka.. chuva .. ek ek.. ilang beses mo nko iniwan.. nalilito ako..

me:... di kita iniwan.. (chorva)
tap: pwede naman tayong maging friends?
me: NEVER
tap: ha? ano?
me: never tayo magiging magkaibigan.. mas maganda pa magkalimutan nlang tayo
tap: galit ka?
me: de. bkt? ayos naman kc offer mo.
tap: kaw pumili nyan. sumunod lang ako sa gusto mo
me thinkin: oo nga. bakit lagi ako naghahanap ng away?? waa
txted: friendship. yun ba gusto mo?
tap: hindi. kaw.. pinagtatabuyan mko lage..
me: oo nga.. blah blah.. di kita masisisi kung iiwan mko.. dumating talaga sa point na gusto ko kaw naman mang-iwan skin..
tap:bakit ganun?? happy birthday ulet.. magiging masaya kana ngayon. yun di ko nabigay sayo.. kamusta kayo ng totoy bobo mo?
me:yeah.. alin di mo nabigay? (inosente epek)
tap: cge.. okay lang.. tinatry ko rin maging masaya.. sa tado..
me thinkin: puro kc yan inaatupag mo! selos ako! selos sa barkada mo!pasenxa na!( translation:naiintindihan ko naman ngayon ka lang nagkaron ng barkada..sa tado pa.. pero la kana oras sakin kaya kung ano ano iniisip ko.. blog ko binabasa mo ba?)

me again thinkin: tinatanggap ko paliwanag mo kanina.. kilala kita di mo magagawa yun.
txted: sige mapaparusahan din mga mahilig makialam sa buhay ng may buhay.. pakshet
tap: ha? ano?
me: senxa kna kung ano ano tinanong ko sayo kanina.. gusto ko lang makasigurado..kung sino dapat kainin ng dragon.. blah blah (nakokonsenxa nako)
tap: wag ka sana gumamit ng dahas
me: gagamit ako. (ng juts)
tap: you've changed.. nakakadissapoint na **n
me: di ako nag change. masama talaga ako. (totoo naman. gusto kita patayin dati. pero i'm glad i didn't. teka tinawag mkong **n?)
tap: di ko alam anung nangyari sayo.. laki ng pagkakaiba
me thinkin: bankai!



wla. singit lang yan. ahaha.. tapos na real time.


nagkasala ako sakanya.(ginawa nya akong basahan once..or thrice.. pero ibinalik ko yun sakanya.. tinapon at pinulot.. tinapon at pinulot.. at kung anu ano pa.. weeh

nagsala ako sa magulang ko.

(tama ang sinabi ng tatay ko. kung may reaction, may action.

ako ay kasama sa pagkakasala. accountable din ako sa mga nangyari.. hindi ako sinapian. hindi rin iyon disorder. simple lang. NAGKASALA AKO. KAMI.
marahil tinakasan ko nga ito.. tinakasan ko dahil sa galit. dahil siguro sa karanasang di ko nagustuhan..
dahil hindi ko nagustuhan ang reaction. dahil minsan sa aking buhay ako'y iniwan sa gera.. well, iniwan ko rin. at hinayaan xang tadtarin ng bala..

nagkasala ako sa sarili ko.


leche nagugutom nko..
alas kwatro na.

4:23 am


=paalala: wag munang humusga:
abangan ang susunod na kabanata....


-start ng susunod na kabanata-


nakokonsenxa ako.

di ako makatao!
un lang!!!


happy birthday naman sakin!


nakokonsenxa ako!!


click me and read "you- episode III"

bleach 127

edit
_________________
hanabi
ikimono gakari

Let your feelings of love resound..
Protect your beloved..
Fight with all you've got until the bitter end..
This flower will keep burning..

gattaga burnout

art by nattetimen
kiwi

we knew from the start that it would be difficult..
complicated.
incomprehensible.
impossible.

the road was long..
the track was steep..
a cold trek to that soaring mountain..
a summit concealed by clouds.
a task never ought to be completed.

thorns scouring our feet..
a blood-stained path goes..





we went a long way,
and we always got hurt.

still, we chose to keep going..
to endure the pain,
no matter what..



what ever happens...
"naniga atte mo.."

'tis what we've chosen.

to walk.
to believe.
carrying the hopes that we'll get there in the end..
blind pilgrims going nowhere fast..


love.
lies.
betrayal.
forgiveness.


rapid shifts of emotions..
playful convictions.
tricky situations..
pretense.
halfway through..


it's different now.


i am tired.
go on..

i'm stopping here.
i can't carry the burden anymore.
i can no longer fool myself yearning for something that could never exist.

i'm going..
i'm moving on.
i can't stay..
and there's no way any of this could ever make sense.
there's no way i could ever let this happen again..

i wish you well.
i cannot stay.


so long.


join the wrecks.

__|__
|

when love breaks down
-prefab sprout-

My love and I, we work well together
But often we're apart.
Absence makes the heart lose weight, yeah,
Till love breaks down, love breaks down..

Oh my, oh my, have you seen the weather?
The sweet September rain..
Rain on me like no other
Until I drown, until I drown..

When love breaks down,
the things you do,
To stop the truth from hurting you..

When love breaks down
The lies we tell,
They only serve to fool ourselves.

My love and I, we are boxing clever,
he'll never crowd me out..
Fall be free as old confetti..
And paint the town, paint the town..
When love breaks down.

When love breaks down,
You join the wrecks..

i don't care bear

-idontcarebearbydecemberstock-


grrhh

wala lang.
malamig.
umaga na. di ko natapos yung pinahiram ni barangay na dvd ng Bleach.
Nova!

nakapagtataka pero naMi-Miss ko din si totoy bobo kahit na parang ngang iniwasan ko xa. hindi naman sa talagang iniiwasan ko na at di na magpaparamdam muli.. pero..
kaylangan ko ng bubbles.
napanaginipan ko pa.
kaibigan ko kasi. hehe.. ewan.

dearest totoy bobo,
sanang di mo nalang inamin..
kasi.. kasi.. hayy..
ewan pero ikaw yan. hehe..
fly.
gayunpaman, masaya ako at ganun pala tingin mo sakin.. salamat.


kahit na hindi ganun ang tingin ko. yun ang totoo.
masaya ako at may kaibigan akong tulad mo..
at ikaw parin ang special siopao ko na kulay pink.
jan ka lang muna sa ref. ha.. hehe.
salamat at naiintindihan mong hindi pa ko handang gumawa ng panibagong pelikula.
di pa kayang sumulat ng kamay ko.
hindi kita malilibre sa birthday ko..
at wag mo na rin akong bigyan ng diary na may lock..
wag nalang.. ha.. hatdog.



miss sexika, alam kong bored na bored ka na sa iyong buhay dyan.
minsan naman ay pinapatulan kita pero.. wag naman yung sobra..
wag mokong gawing twitter mo.. o blog o kung ano pa. hindi ako interesado sa chismis mo. sabi ko naman sayo gumawa ka na lang ng blog mo.. dun ka magsuka..
madumi na ako.



_my post was supposed to be about truth lies and denial...na makabuluhan.,
but then.. someone got in the way... wag mo kong isipin dahil di naman kita iniisip. cheh! (may iba akong iniisip na di naman ako iniisip! mwahaha _


masama ako..
masama ako!

wla muna akong pakealam sa mundo ngayon!!!

wag mo kong itxt kung ibabalita mo lang si angel locsin, o kung anu anong experiences mo sa pagpapaganda ng iyong katawan!

gatas ka!!

hahaa.. soO bad

grrr

Brush Away
-alice in chains-


I could use some time to curl away..
My aggression is where you stake your claim.
Why I question this curve on which you grade..
My conception, a joke or latest craze?


I try to get away, and yet I stick around..
So fall and crawl away, and brush away loose ground
Yeah.....

float.

Real me
-ayu-

What I get?
What you get?
It may be an illusion..
And we may only want to believe what we have got them..

What I say?
What you say?
If we don't express our thoughts and feelings in words..
They may not be understood nor reached..

The present time starts here.

A woman never runs away,
A woman never hides away..
In order to survive..
You should not want to be healed
Without fighting..

A woman never shows her fears,
A woman never shows her tears..
In order to survive..
You should not easily show your tears to someone..

What I need?
What you need?

Maybe it's all right..
So long as I have desires..
and am not satisfied

What I lose?
What you lose?
Maybe I have heard enough people saying
that they knew the value of something..
only after losing it.

Love..
It's here.

A woman could be dangerous,
a woman could be generous..
in order to survive...
We cannot always be so good girls..

A woman could be having fun.
A woman could be like a nun..
In order to survive,
We cannot be kind to others before we know pain.


A woman could be dangerous,
a woman could be generous
in order to survive..
We cannot always be so good girls..
A woman could be having fun,
A woman could be like a nun..
In order to survive.
As I know..


You see the real me.