Lotus colloquium.

Hello there.

2011-06-04T21:52:00.001+08:00

"I'm but a clean man, stable and alone man
Make it so I won't have to try .
The faces always stay the same,
so I face the fact that I'm just fine
I said that I'm just fine." :)

/manchester

Doesn't It Feel Good

2010-02-17T12:51:00.000+08:00

when God slaps your face so hard?

i kinda like it.

EDIT 6

2010-02-06T08:53:00.003+08:00

FINALLY.

i have tried so many times to express the things that i want to say to you.. and to do the things that would make you feel how much you mean to me.
but for more than a couple of days tryin now, i seem to have failed.

whenever i try, i would end up with writing nothing- in the occasion of realizing that words are really not enough for what i want to say.

i may have displeased you on the celebration of our first month together, but.. i have to tell you..that at that day, i was lost in a trance, that i could not move.. couldn't do the things that i have planned to do for you..couldn't even see you. couldn't even talk to you..

i was too happy.~
i was afraid.

i waited for the time that I would wake up from this beautiful dream.

I didn't. :)

everything that happened to me since I met you was too good to be true. too good that it may not be true at all. but here i am writing something to that someone who had showed me that reality can be better than dreams.

with this i wanna tell you now that i'm sorry, i'm sorry that whenever i try to express myself, i am lost for words.. i want to do many things for you. so many things that i can't make 'em all at this time. so please bear with me.. and be patient. :)

I can say these words if I add a little more
grasping the limits of the love in my heart right now..
My trembling eyes speak for me.. and i would just whisper, in a faint voice.. ********

Now it all boils down to telling you that I LOVE YOU and I would take care of you.

the rest is unwritten. ~

test

2009-10-31T17:26:00.000+08:00

123456985222s5s58ss0001

Wala ka namang kinakain

2009-07-24T17:03:00.000+08:00

pero mapait.

I Don't Think I Can Make You Happy Anyway

2009-06-25T15:50:00.004+08:00

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
bout a ghost from a wishing well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as Im a ghost that you cant see
If I could read your mind love
What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paperback novel
The kind that drugstores sell
When you reach the part where the heartaches come
The hero would be me
But heroes often fail
And you wont read that book again
Because the endings just too hard to take

Id walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script
Enter number two
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me
But for now love, lets be real.

I never thought I could act this way
And Ive got to say that I just dont get it
I don't know where we went wrong..
But the feelin's gone, And I just cant get it back.

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
bout a ghost from a wishin well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
But stories always end
And if you read between the lines

You'll know that Im just tryin to understand
The feelins that you lack
I never thought I could feel this way
And Ive got to say that I just to get it
I dont know where we went wrong..

But the feelins gone, and I just cant get it back.

If You Could Read My Mind - Gordon Lightfoot

P.S. di ku din alam kung napano layout ko.

The 600 pixel image works for me.

2009-06-18T13:43:00.004+08:00

425. first one.
yea.

CN VII CN X.

2009-05-09T02:10:00.002+08:00

walang alat
walang asim
walang tamis
walang pait
walang anghang

'pag wala ka.

Ageusia.

intro

2008-09-08T21:55:00.000+08:00

tagal na rin ano?
tama.
kaya mahaba-habang pagsusulat to.
nakakatamad talaga sumulat sa blag
pano. wala namang magandang nangyayari.

ay teka.
bka sabihin mo npaka pessimist ko nanaman.
hahaha..

bueno.
ayun natapos na bortdaey ko..
wala lang.
di naman ako malungkot non..
'big sabihin ba masaya ako?
hmm.

malay. importante paba un?
bortdey nga di importante.
pero oo masaya ako..
napasaya naman ako ng marami..
kahit sa pag alala lang ng bortdaey ko..
kahit nagpapalibre..
at wala ako mailibre. hahaha.

anu paba.
ayon. pasado naman ang thesis naming walang ka kwenta kwenta
at wala naman talagang significance sa mundo.

magffield trip ulit kami nyan sa yupi para gumawa ng bagong experiments.
/gg
wahaha..

lablayp.
ala ganun paren. anu pa nga ba.
un na un. nuff said.
DUH

ang gusto ko lang ngayon any gumradweyt.
natural pag nakagradweyt nako..
pede nako mag board.
at dapat papasa ako dun.
kundi, papakamatay nalang ako. wahhaha..

teka, balik sa kwento.
aun. de wasak nanaman ako kagabi..
di makatulog kya nag PC ulet..
at ano nakita ko?

si kapatid na KEZO!! haha!
alam na alam talaga pag may dnaramdam ako.
haha! yehey. saya ko naman.
xa malamang ang magbbgay ng alarm clock sa akin. hihi

3 am matutulog na sana ako..
eh 3 am pala kami gagawa ng lobo.
hahaha! msta naman...

itutuloy.

GAMIT

2008-08-12T11:42:00.003+08:00

naisip mo nba na dahil sa yun lang ang naibibigay mo sa kanya...

yun lang ang kailangan nya sayo?

Flashback

2008-08-04T21:11:00.004+08:00

yayeyeyayeyyeyeyeyee!!!

kay tagal na nung huli akong magpost ng makatuturan dito..
bueno, 'di din naman makatuturan ang post na ito,kaya kung ayaw mo masayang oras mo eh..
navigate away from this page nah!

anyways..
madaming nangyaring pagbabago sa buhay ko sa mga nagdaang araw..er..
buwan, na ako'y hindi nag pose dito..

una..
naaaliw ako sa paggamit ng aking sariling wika..
Obvious ba?
kung isa kang dayuhan at 'di mo maintindihan ang iyong nababasa eh..
MAGARAL KA NG TAGALOG!

haha.. alive nba 'ko?? tell me..

balik.. balik..
changes nga pala..
hmm....
bullet form naten...

-may bago akong kaibigan.. itago nalang natin xa sa ngalang Ronstar..
-mas maanghang ako ngayon.. masama..matigas. brrr..
bahala ka na kung ano gusto mo isipin..
-i lost a significant amount of weight.. ay tagalog nga pla.. pumayat ako. hehe
-umiinom na ko ng gatas gabi-gabi..
-di nko maxadong absentee..
-di nko maxadong maramdamin.. tigas men.. brr..
-isa na akong brewha. (babaeng brewster) anu yun? search mo sa google. (yeah, i support google.)
-di ako nagbago ng alaga, xa parin 'yun. baka di ko na mapalitan. amp.
-masaya akong maging brewha kasama ng aking mga fellow brewsters..
-naadik na ako sa sounds ni pareng Dong Abay..
-mas organized na akong tao.. (sa paggawa ng krimen..)
-naging bahagi ako ng ioman at niligtas ang mundo pansamantala bilang si Purple seven..
-may pangarap na ako sa buhay.. 'yun ay ang maging pornstar. haha.. joke.
-na-realize ko.. tatlong taon na kong nagsisilbi sa Government hospitals ng ating bansa...
-hmm... mas antukin ako ngayon kaya iklian ko nalang ang post na to dahil antok na antok nako...

anu pba..

-dumami mga pans ko...
kya...

-na realize ko na mahirap palang maging sikat.. hehe..

nu ba..

(pak!apalan na to..)

tulog muna ko.. gigising pa ko ng 12 a.m. haha!

may wish nga pala ako..

sana ay may magregalo sakin ng alarm clock..
dahil di ako nagigising sa ordinaryong tunog ng aking celphone..

yun lang..

nagmamahal,

kuya.

=D

2008-08-02T14:09:00.001+08:00

okay.. the last post was a joke.
i'll be staying here for ten reasons..

1.tamad akong tao. mas maganda talaga pag Google-based
2.ayoko nang guluhin ang mga magpapalit ng URL nila..
3.magugulo mga pans ko.
4-10. Tamad talaga akong tao.

=D

RESET

2008-08-02T13:17:00.002+08:00

a "goodbye "can really hurt..

2008-07-25T22:06:00.001+08:00

but not as much as an "i love you" that can't be proven..

im still alive.

2008-07-25T21:33:00.002+08:00

unsaid

2007-12-20T20:58:00.000+08:00

"Silence is a language God can speak without being constantly interrupted because God is a mystery of incomprehensible love, and love speaks for itself. If we could really be attentive to the mystery of God in our lives we would realize that God is both beyond our thoughts and imaginations (although these can bring us closer to God) and very near to us. As St. Augustine indicated, God is closer to us than we are to ourselves. God is a mystery of silence and intimacy." - Ilia Delio, The Humility of God

wala lang.

christmas nah.. at naaalala ko.. ikaw.
RENT.
wala akong masabi.. isang taon na kitang di nakikita..

i remember..
the deliberation day..
that morning that i came for you...

your smile that never failed to annoy me..
..inside, it made me happy.

i remember..
the songs you used to sing for me.
the days we've shared,
laughing as we went..

i've always shown hate for your pranks..
ignored you..the things you've done for me..
to love you..

i remember..
when we stayed.. at that gambrel roof..
we just sat..
for the hours that have passed by..

i told my story
as you wept..

and i'm dearly sorry.

for the shit I've put you through..
for wasting your time.
for being so numb.
for choosing to be blind.
for being a liar.
for hurting myself.
for everything.

ayu..

because it's like goodbye forever..
and too sad...
if i can be born again some day..
i'll start a journey to seek for you.

the moment to begin a journey,
must be my own choice..

by a new and unfamiliar view..
when i happened to be puzzled..
a gentle wind just like you,
blew by me.

i wanted to say i love you..

i couldn't say it..
but i feel what seems to be the biggest lie..
and the truth..

are the same.

melodies of life~

In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me.
Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name.
In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me ?

If I should leave this lonely world behind,
Your voice will still remember our melody.
Now I know we'll carry on.
Melodies of life,
Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts, as long as we remember....

trial and error session over

2007-12-15T14:54:00.000+08:00

- Hi Barbie!
- Hi Ken!
- You wanna go for a ride?
- Sure, Ken!
- Jump in!
- Ha ha ha ha!

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party

I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party

You can touch, you can play
You can say I'm always yours.

im sorry, IM NOT A BARBIE GIRL. HAHAHA.

-adrienne-

I've been thinking about you, my love
And all the crazy things that you put me through..

all the while i showered you with ~~trust~~ and promises..

.....treated you like a shining star
But in my sky all burnt out you are..

I gave you all that I had to give,
but it never seemed to reach you..
once again, you used me up.

and I'll have the last laugh,
'cause I know you're gonna end up all alone..

So take these words, some good advice,
all you've done's gonna come back twice.

You never cared how much it hurt,
I really need to tell you..

All you've done's gonna come back twice.

"there's a time that each and everyone of us hurts others.
and even how hard we try to recover things, it just keeps on getting worse.

once you've done your part and not a thing changes, relax.

it's about time for others to do their part,
besides, a lil bit of pride won't kill."

tag tag tag tag... ecchi

2007-12-11T02:07:00.000+08:00

1:23 am

pagod na mata ko..
pero nais kong sumulat..
kahit sa huling pagkakataon dito sa url na 'to....(baka, maybe)

december 10 2007
4 am -gising luto kain ligo ayos bihis
6- punta hospital,at nakipagChika sa head nurse dun..
6:30- balik bahay. ket? P.M. shift pala ako. hahaha.. hay.. kamusta naman? thrice na nangyari sa'kin toh..
(excited kc makita si MisterYu R.N.)- isang kilabot na C.I. .. blah.. parang bading eh.. pero fafa talaga.. harhar

pumasok sa maling oras ng duty.. hehehe.. gayunpaman, masaya ako..
minsan nalang ako makakita ng umagang malamig eh. malamig na mainit.. mainit sa loob.. malamig sa labas..
parang hot fudge sundae.. kabaligtaran pala..
nonsensical.

grrhh..
anyways,
pagbalik sa bahay eh nanOd ako ng Binchotan at Puguryu..
hahaha.. kung gusto mong maluha sa kakatawa ay panoorin mo ang ikalawa.. dali!
ang weird na pandak na maid robot na hubad.. at kung anu-ano ang kinakain.. @@
nakapanod din pala ako ng konting ecchi. anu yun? ewan. hehehe

katuwa. 1230 hospital ulit. ako volunteer leader kanina sa duty.. kaya wala akong pasyente. hahaha..
so ang ginawa ko.. champre mga kailangang gawin ng leader.... at makipagChikahan kay genenenen da baby..
kwentuhan namin ang lovelife nya.. at kung gaano katakaw ang Gf nya.. at..
haahaha.. ewan.. tutulungan ko xa gumawa ng artwork..
champre, panRegalo namin sa Gf nya.. este panregalo nya sa Gf nya.. hehe..
cnu pa tatawagin ko sa mga ganung bagay?

tama na.. baka kung ano pa maisulat ko.. wee.. @@ miss you.
sumulat ako dahil.........................................

i've been tagged!
i've been tagged by cedeux..
at pauunlakan ko toh..

ayan. hehe

Direction:
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving acomment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you.

AUGUST 31 1987

AUGUST:

Loves to joke. -agreed.. my jokes are always used purposively though..

Attractive. - don't know.. i'm not a magnet.

Suave and caring. -depends.. hehe

Brave and fearless.- fearless to the point of stupidity i guess..

Firm and has leadership qualities. - don't know.

Knows how to console others. - yes.. hehe!

Too generous and egoistic. - 75%???

Takes high pride in oneself. - humbling..

Thirsty for praises. -noOoope.

Extraordinary spirit. - lost soul daw? hahaha.. or a spirit out of control.

Easily angered. -yes.

Angry when provoked. -no. (contradicting ba?)

Easily jealous. -YES

Observant.- i notice everything.. hihihi

Careful and cautious. - cautious but not careful.

Thinks quickly. - yes, i think so.. bursts

Independent thoughts. - i always console others.. kinukulit ko.. pinapasakit ko ulo..
but then in the end what i want is what i do. hehehe. stubborn

Loves to lead and to be led. - yaz.. both.

Loves to dream. - i'm full of them.

Talented in the arts, music and defense. - sketching, guitar and taekwondo naba yan? =)

Sensitive but not petty.-yes. super sensitive but not petty.

Poor resistance against illnesses. -illnesses of the mind..

Learns to relax. -nah..

Hasty and trusty. -yes.

Romantic. -nope.

Loving and caring. -yup.

Loves to make friends.- depends... hehe

ayan. i finished the whole thing nah.. i'm gonna go..
to slumber kingdom....
weee..

The others..

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

i will tag....

hayasaki,
chichi ,
bombero king,
kingdaddyrich,
russ,
nurse ruff,
michael,
gerald,
billybog, and fionixe...

wala, wala naman..

2007-12-09T00:31:00.000+08:00

by: dejas

PERPEKTO
Dong Abay

ikaw ay nagdaramdam,
puso ay nagdurugo..
hindi mo yata alam kung san ka patungo.

ikaw ay naliligaw , isip ay nalilito ..
ayaw mo ng gumalaw, hindi ka sigurado..

ikaw ay napupuwing, minsan nabubulagan..
mata ay nakapiring - daan ay kadiliman.

ikaw ay nadadapa, napipilayan din ..

di makapagsalita
anung ibig sabihin?

wala, wala namang...
wala namang perpektong tao..
ano ba ang epekto
kung meron kang depekto?

ikaw ay nawawala, minsan ay nawawalan..
di ka naniniwala, puno ng alinlangan.

ikaw ay nanliliit ..
ligtas ka ba sa rehas ?

bakit ka nakapiit?
bakit ka tumatakas?

ikaw ay natatakot,
parang walang hangganan..

ang kirot ng bangungot
di mo makalimutan ..

ikaw ay nanlulumo
bilang na ba ang araw?

gusto mo ng sumuko,
mundo ay nagugunaw..

ikaw ay inaalon,
walang kalaban-laban..
tuluyang nalulunod tungo sa kalaliman..

ikaw ay nalulula, agad kang nahuhulog..
..babagsak sa lupa, at biglang madudurog.

ikaw ay nagdurusa, kaya pa bang tumagal?
hindi na makahinga, lalo pang nasasakal.
ikaw ay dumadaing , dala mo ba ay sumpa ?

para kang ililibing at ipinagluluksa...

wala...
wala namang...
wala namang perpekto..

anu ba ang epekto,
kung meron kang depekto?

wala namang perpektong tao...

the best video list ever

2007-12-05T22:21:00.001+08:00

OMG.

finally found it.
the complete set.
episodes 1-49.

go boards!

2007-12-01T23:51:00.000+08:00

been gone for so long..
(ala kc connection,hahaha)
a lot have happened the past months..
and i'm happy..

people touched..
new friends..
school.

the peace.
and turbulence.
the cold and heat.

loved it.
lovin it.
will love it.

everything seems to be at my hand now..
focused.
not losin' control.

grace under pressure.

*i've updated my -oh-so-old-activity-deficient-blog on multiply just now:

DISSOLUTION AS AN ANGEL

*winks!

pustahan.

2007-10-22T19:33:00.000+08:00

ajah frah e fyc y mem get..
drec ec fryd e ymfyoc tet frah e fyc yvnyet...
frah e's eh dra tyng..
yht clynat..

e zicd lmuca so aoac..
yht cdub sujehk.

cdub pnaydreh..
cdub dymgeh..

zicd hud sujeh..
hud pnaydreh...

rymd.

e tuh'd ghuf fryd du tu huf..

e sekrd yc famm...

hud tu yhodreh.

rynt lruucehk..
lyh'd teclanh..

ajanodreh'c pminno.

e fuh'd lruuca.

hu.

hear it.. i'm screamin it..

2007-09-30T21:13:00.000+08:00

handling it to you..

2007-09-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

jahkayhla ec y tecr pacd canjat lumt..

ela

mamatay kana.. hehe!

2007-09-19T22:10:00.000+08:00

dyhk ehy su!

yougu hy dymyky! yryryr!!

sysihtug gy hy myhk! byhkad!

ipagpaumanhin nyo.. mawawala din ako sa mode na toh..

=)

nga pala, thanks chief for making this vector art.. =)

1000 funtc, cah hu gudupy fy

2007-09-18T01:09:00.000+08:00

syrym byneh gedy...

drec ec uin mycd lryhla..

uha mycd dno...

sept 17 2007

nagugutom ako..

2007-09-14T12:07:00.000+08:00

fymy myhk.. ebubucd gu du tyrem kicdu gu hy pinyreh cy ygehk ehpuq..
pyged hkyouh su by hyecebyhk syhmekyf? te hgu sygigiry hk sky cymedy su..
kyoihbysyh.. cunno. ecyhk hybygymygehk cunno cyi..
RIME HY YHK MYRYD!
gca behygyfymyh su by gu.. pyd ryrypum rypum gy by hkyouh?? yhi gyemyhkyh su?? rsbb..
YOUGU HY CYOU!

rana'c ouin buas.. bycymysyd gy pehmuk gu by du.. ryryry
sept 13, 2007 18:33

---e tnaysat uv oui cu silr dryd e lyh'd paydra..ajah druikr e's cabynydat fedr oui , fro tu e cdemm vaam mega e's eh oui ynsc? Frah e mecdah, e rayn ouin raynd payd.. E's dra uhmo uha eh dra fumt dryd raync dryd cuiht.. frah e's ymuha, e aymmo lranecr dymgehk du oui so ruhao ajah druikr ed'c ypuid vuumecr drehkc.. E muja oui cu silr dryd e lyh'd pnaydra..So mesed ec cdemm vyn yfyo.. Bmayca knyhd sa drec muja....

too late

2007-09-03T01:04:00.000+08:00

some things are not meant to be..

..

oil and water.. (wenks may emulsifier)
hollows and death gods..

nagkulang ka, sumobra naman ako. 'di sakto.

hmm..
whatever!!
i hope this is the last time that i blog about this..

but..

thank God it's over!

bitter strawberry
(+ allei+)

out of the grayness in my head..

still i can't patch things together now,
with these eyes now clearly seeing black and white..

i tried my best,
now there is nothing i can do for you..

the way i used to be,
something has touched my heart..
something which made me feel content,
something which is now gone..

did i understand myself?
i didn't.

did i understand you?
i did..
but it's just too late now..

i never meant to hurt you,
i was running from emotions i wasn't ready for..

"please don't go.."

but you did.
and left me here..

i once thought that by forgiving we are forgiven..
you proved me wrong..

i tried my best,
and there is nothing i can do now..

i guess i just loved you too much.

____________________
shak

This happiness that I feel..
all the friends that I have here, you the best present..
I am blessed because you're always by my side..
Surely things that I have accomplished here,
those things too, give me strength..
But your support has helped me endlessly..
thank you.

you were always there at my relief..
nobody ever understood me the way you do..
i hope this friendship never ends..

well, i wish you all the good things in life, if not the best..
i know we'll be okay soon..
i can sense happiness getting near..
the best things coming..
no more pain.

Love and Smile always..
Happy birthday shak..

stars..

2007-09-01T21:23:00.000+08:00

waiting for the moon..

the antidote worked.. =D

i was forgiven..

i can feel the wind blow in this place..

where i see the stars beyond the window pane..
shining so bright, here in this night..
here i feel a sense of love..

deep in my heart i cry for you,
every tear that falls feels like a wound..
the stars in the skies gently shines..
taking away my pain..

i hear a voice gently saying "don't be afraid"
i feel a warmth come over me,
as i sleep in their embrace..

i do have the strength to go on...
now i'll try to hold on.. with you..
i know this love is worth something...

even though our dreams don't come true at this point in time,
i'll just remember every moment with you..

like the stars that shine forever,

i'll treasure my love for you.

'till then..

.. after 16 hours..

i guess i wasn't forgiven after all..

placebo2 (know your enemy)

2007-08-31T23:54:00.000+08:00

nabasa mo ba ang placebo one?

lason ang nainom ko..
at naipainom sa iba.

di pala placebo.

that's all thank you..

wicked fool mode.
mali ako mali ako mali ako!

irreversible damage naba ito??
wala bang undo? =D

nagtxt si trese: mali sinabi ko.. wla xang iba.
me: the damage is done.. ='( (bobo ko! nakakainis ka! inutusan ka ba nya para magconfess bago xa bitayin?)

sa pagkakataong ito mahirap nanaman gumawa ng hakbang..

kikilos ba ako?
maghihintay?

pano kung ang hinihintay kong episode ay hindi na pala ipapalabas?

ako ba ang gagawa ng episode?
dapat ba akong gumawa ng episode?
kailan ko dapat gawin ang episode?
pano kung tanggihan ako ng producer?

kumalat na ba ang lason at wala na ba akong oras para gumawa ng antidote?

mga tanong...

parang nag-take ako ng exam ni bonaks..
binigyan ako ng parehong bote na may lamang parehong characteristics na likido..

isang lason..
at isang antidote..
kailangan kong i-identify .. which is which?

tanging ang paginom lang ang paraan upang malaman ko kung alin..

mukhang ang nainom ko sa unahan ay ang lason..
at mukhang naipainom ko pa sa iba..

magpapasorry ba ako??
para?..?

kailangan na bang kantahin ang kantang to? (haia sorry pareho ata tayo lagi.)

Over
~ayu~

I still remember your face..
when you were about to say something on that day
I'm sorry for not having heard you out..

I honestly love you
I didn't have a little more courage

And hid my tears though I knew
we would never be as we were
I parted from you waving my hand and saying "See you again"
I parted from you as usual..

It is easier than we think..
to let go of each other's hand
But it is difficult to join hands again, isn't it?

I can't smile without you..
I could not say just one word..

The wind is cold.. I'm in tears now.
Now I know it's not me alone, who feels the coldness
But seems too late..

What is getting little by little farther by the distance?
Do I forget little by little as time passes by?

It was a treasure, wasn't it?
I wished to protect it more than anything else.

____

masaya naman birthday.. (c'mon mahirap maging masaya pag may bumabagabag sayong kalooban.. may conscience at super-ego pla ako..)

gang dito nalang muna..

-guilty-

placebo part 1 (super modified)

2007-08-31T01:54:00.001+08:00

1:51 am

birthday ko ngayon.
eh anu naman?

it means na kailangan mong basahin ang nobelang to up to the last word.
kung kakilala mo talaga ako..
basahin mo to.. word by word.
sumilip ka sa makasalanang mundo ko.
salamat.

oo gising pako..
my tummy hurts..
and i'm cold..
not because of the room temperature right now..
naka-sweatshirt na nga ako eh.

may nag-Greet sakin..
isang taong iniwan ko ng bigla..
yun kung bakit ako biglang nilalamig.

eh anu naman ngayon?
binalewala lang ako eh..

i finally cut off.
why?
why delilah..

uhm.. here it goes..

i txted tap bout the eclipse that was about to take place..
rep: ha? ano? ano yun??
me: duh? you txted me that it will happen this 27 and.. blah blah..(27 is a significant number.)
tap: ha? ano? pakirefresh?
me: huh.. yaan m nlng sayo galing tas di mo alam ngayon.. ulyanin!
tap:ha?
me: (naiinis na) wala yaan m nlang. sorry.
tap:hayy
me:ulyanin.

see? anu kaya yun
oops may nagtxt.

trese: eclipse??
...
me: (rep after 3 hrs) eclipse?
trese: yup, i saw your msgs to him kaninang nagtatado eh.. bati na kayo?
me: uh? ganun ba? musta naman? alam mo naman kami. parang di kami. galit yan sakin. hehehe..buhay pa ba?(anung pakealam mo kung kami pa?)
trese: uhm yeah. napansin ko kc yung mga txt nya sayo puro "HA?" "ANO".. la lang
me: masaya naman ako. hahaha.. eh anu ngayon (chorva.. dahil lang sa bagong bili kong pampaganda.. cge magtado ka jan magdamag. alam ko naman kaligayahan mo, tado eh. marami namang adik sa tado)
trese: and uhm, i think meron na rin xa iba, i saw his phone iba na wallpaper and the girl never looked anything like you.

me: thinkin- (1000000 million neurotransmitted info flashback chorva per second)

# 1- watda? meron na rin xa iba? u're assuming na meron na ako? duh? ok ka lang?
# 2- awts.demet.. yung unggoy na yun? kaya pala.. marunong na pala mag Two time ang mga unggoy.(bagong conclusion!)
# 3- pwedeng ang babaeng yun ay yung crush nya na koreana na sinasabi nya sakin.. ?? patay na patay xa dun kamukha ko un
# 4- lagi namang babae wallpaper nun. pwedeng si angelina jolie.. hmm
# 5- alalahanin mo di ka rin naging faithful sa kanya.. wallpaper mo si jeff, dami mo pang katxt jan.. bf? duh, non existent. wala ako bf.
# 6- pinapraning mo ko.. di tayo close gago.
# 7- pagkakaalam ko dun di marunong manligaw. ako nga di masustentuhan eh, magdadagdag pa?
# 8- kaya pala nung last akong kumalas pinagbigyan nya ako.. wee
# 9- chance mo na yan! at least you can get off na xa may kasalanan sa failure na ito! hehehe! wag ka na maawa! waag!! (sama ko)
# 10- baka nga meron na.. di ako pinapansin maxado eh (kc siguro lagi ako bitter sa kanya and i was always pushing him away.. normal lang na ipagpalit ako
# 11-kasalanan ko. karmaticus na e-teach! di ko xa masisisi dahil di ako naging faithful noon.. sinabi ko pa sakanya.. at ngayon.. ganito marahil ang nararamdaman nya noon.. di ako pwede manumbat.. my crime's the same
# 12- nagtitrip si trese.

me: txted- uh? ganun ba? ako wala akong iba eh..(wala pa na solid, hehe) kaya pala pinagbibintangan ako na may third party!(nagmamalinis!)
gatas *tinarantado nanaman pala ako! nagtitiis ako dito tas ganon!!(sinasayko kita trese)

trese: hmm.. you deserve better. find someone better. ganda mo kaya.
me: ah okay thanks..i'm so thankful you're doing this..(chorva) nga pala, greet mko lapit na bday ko. ha? ha 13? gift ko ha(changing topic)
trese: uhmm.. pwede na ba puso ko? (wid matching smiley)
me: ay? meron pako trese, cge magDonate ka nalang sa iba. (tang ina mo di kita type.gago ka pla eh.. pumoporma ka lang pla bat naninira ka pa jan)
trese: aw. sorry. goodluck na lang.. be happy. ano tinext mo ba?
me: oo. sabi ko.. cnu yung iba mo? rep si tap, na di nya ako maintindihan
trese: ah oks.. manyak yun
me: anything else i need to know? (gagu kaw din.. di na nga makalapit yun sakin.. dapat di kami nagdidikit simula nung.. basta. di pede.. kahit holding hands)
trese: (mabagal na magreply) wala na..
me: okay trese, mas malaki pa nga tiwala ko sayo kesa sakanya.. (chorva.. kinokonsenxa kita)
trese: ako din.. kahit di pa tayo nagkikita
me thinkin: wooh.. lokohin mo lola mo

oks.

sa pagkakataong ito. umiiyak nako.. hmm.. nagngingitngit ako sa galit.
naku at nakita ako ng nanay ko..
tinanong ako anong problema.. sabi ko wala..
wala naman talaga eh.. gusto ko lang umiyak..

yung impormasyong ibinigay sakin.. masakit.
kahit na.. isa itong THEORY!

What matters to me is not whether it's true or not.. but that i believe it to be true..
in short, wala akong pakealam kung totoo yun o hindi.. basta paniniwalaan kong ganun para matapos na rin.
(yan ang sinabi at ginawa ng immature kong utak. cra ata ako. oo sira ako)

stupid?
kinda..
niloloko ko sarili ko.. pinainom ko ng placebo ang sarili ko.. galing. naloko ko sarili ko.

yun nga lang, damay magulang ko..
galit ako sa kadahilanang hindi naman proven.

bwisit kainis talaga ugali ko.. kaya pag umiiyak ako dapat wag nalang pansinin!
mababaw lang talaga ang luha ko.. sore!

isa pa. hindi ganun ka-reliable ang source ng impormasyon. yehay

reasons:

#1. di kami close.. duh
#2. may galit xa kay tap.. (gf ako eh. hehe.. kapal)
#3. pag may tinatanong ako na relevant talaga, di nanagrerep! naka linya xa alam ko! uhmp!
#4. bakit xa biglang magtetxt ng ganun? di ko naman xa hi-nire na detective spy chorva
#5. sinabi nya toh: "oh? sinabi mong ako? baka madamay ako jan ah?" (eh gago ka pla bakit mo pa chinismis sakin kung ayaw mo madamay?? you are held accountable and responsible for your actions!!)
#6. marami na kaming pinagdaanan ni tap. 'di nyo lang alam pero oo.. walang kalaban sa istoryang ito. sya lang talaga laging nagmumukhang masama.(dahil sakin)

yoo hoo! parang nawala ako sa hulog sa pagsusulat dahil katxt ko sya ngayon. leche.. aaminin ko masaya ako.
(pero labo namin.. yayaya)

sabi nya: kung tayo talaga, tayo rin sa huli.
naisip ko: malabo na yun mangyari..hindi tayo! kahit mahal kita. kasalanan ko rin.. ang maling impormasyong napunta sa magulang ko ay di ko naitama..
marami akong ginawang mali sayo.. nasiraan kita.. dahil sa galit..sa pagiging paranoid ko na namana ko pa sa aking ninuno.
tinuring din kitang kaaway.(leche natugtog ang 1000 words)

-real time-
--
tap: kung yan ang gusto mo.. sana lang maging masaya ka.. chuva .. ek ek.. ilang beses mo nko iniwan.. nalilito ako..

me:... di kita iniwan.. (chorva)
tap: pwede naman tayong maging friends?
me: NEVER
tap: ha? ano?
me: never tayo magiging magkaibigan.. mas maganda pa magkalimutan nlang tayo
tap: galit ka?
me: de. bkt? ayos naman kc offer mo.
tap: kaw pumili nyan. sumunod lang ako sa gusto mo
me thinkin: oo nga. bakit lagi ako naghahanap ng away?? waa
txted: friendship. yun ba gusto mo?
tap: hindi. kaw.. pinagtatabuyan mko lage..
me: oo nga.. blah blah.. di kita masisisi kung iiwan mko.. dumating talaga sa point na gusto ko kaw naman mang-iwan skin..
tap:bakit ganun?? happy birthday ulet.. magiging masaya kana ngayon. yun di ko nabigay sayo.. kamusta kayo ng totoy bobo mo?
me:yeah.. alin di mo nabigay? (inosente epek)
tap: cge.. okay lang.. tinatry ko rin maging masaya.. sa tado..
me thinkin: puro kc yan inaatupag mo! selos ako! selos sa barkada mo!pasenxa na!( translation:naiintindihan ko naman ngayon ka lang nagkaron ng barkada..sa tado pa.. pero la kana oras sakin kaya kung ano ano iniisip ko.. blog ko binabasa mo ba?)

me again thinkin: tinatanggap ko paliwanag mo kanina.. kilala kita di mo magagawa yun.
txted: sige mapaparusahan din mga mahilig makialam sa buhay ng may buhay.. pakshet
tap: ha? ano?
me: senxa kna kung ano ano tinanong ko sayo kanina.. gusto ko lang makasigurado..kung sino dapat kainin ng dragon.. blah blah (nakokonsenxa nako)
tap: wag ka sana gumamit ng dahas
me: gagamit ako. (ng juts)
tap: you've changed.. nakakadissapoint na **n
me: di ako nag change. masama talaga ako. (totoo naman. gusto kita patayin dati. pero i'm glad i didn't. teka tinawag mkong **n?)
tap: di ko alam anung nangyari sayo.. laki ng pagkakaiba
me thinkin: bankai!

wla. singit lang yan. ahaha.. tapos na real time.

nagkasala ako sakanya.(ginawa nya akong basahan once..or thrice.. pero ibinalik ko yun sakanya.. tinapon at pinulot.. tinapon at pinulot.. at kung anu ano pa.. weeh

nagsala ako sa magulang ko.

(tama ang sinabi ng tatay ko. kung may reaction, may action.

ako ay kasama sa pagkakasala. accountable din ako sa mga nangyari.. hindi ako sinapian. hindi rin iyon disorder. simple lang. NAGKASALA AKO. KAMI.
marahil tinakasan ko nga ito.. tinakasan ko dahil sa galit. dahil siguro sa karanasang di ko nagustuhan..
dahil hindi ko nagustuhan ang reaction. dahil minsan sa aking buhay ako'y iniwan sa gera.. well, iniwan ko rin. at hinayaan xang tadtarin ng bala..

nagkasala ako sa sarili ko.

leche nagugutom nko..
alas kwatro na.

4:23 am

=paalala: wag munang humusga:
abangan ang susunod na kabanata....

-start ng susunod na kabanata-

nakokonsenxa ako.

di ako makatao!
un lang!!!

happy birthday naman sakin!

nakokonsenxa ako!!

click me and read "you- episode III"

bleach 127

2007-08-25T00:51:00.001+08:00

edit
_________________
hanabi
ikimono gakari

Let your feelings of love resound..
Protect your beloved..
Fight with all you've got until the bitter end..
This flower will keep burning..

gattaga burnout

2007-08-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

art by nattetimen
kiwi

we knew from the start that it would be difficult..
complicated.
incomprehensible.
impossible.

the road was long..
the track was steep..
a cold trek to that soaring mountain..
a summit concealed by clouds.
a task never ought to be completed.

thorns scouring our feet..
a blood-stained path goes..

we went a long way,
and we always got hurt.

still, we chose to keep going..
to endure the pain,
no matter what..

what ever happens...
"naniga atte mo.."

'tis what we've chosen.

to walk.
to believe.
carrying the hopes that we'll get there in the end..
blind pilgrims going nowhere fast..

love.
lies.
betrayal.
forgiveness.

rapid shifts of emotions..
playful convictions.
tricky situations..
pretense.
halfway through..

it's different now.

i am tired.
go on..

i'm stopping here.
i can't carry the burden anymore.
i can no longer fool myself yearning for something that could never exist.

i'm going..
i'm moving on.
i can't stay..
and there's no way any of this could ever make sense.
there's no way i could ever let this happen again..

i wish you well.
i cannot stay.

so long.

join the wrecks.

__|__
|

when love breaks down
-prefab sprout-

My love and I, we work well together
But often we're apart.
Absence makes the heart lose weight, yeah,
Till love breaks down, love breaks down..

Oh my, oh my, have you seen the weather?
The sweet September rain..
Rain on me like no other
Until I drown, until I drown..

When love breaks down,
the things you do,
To stop the truth from hurting you..

When love breaks down
The lies we tell,
They only serve to fool ourselves.

My love and I, we are boxing clever,
he'll never crowd me out..
Fall be free as old confetti..
And paint the town, paint the town..
When love breaks down.

When love breaks down,
You join the wrecks..

i don't care bear

2007-08-19T02:12:00.000+08:00

-idontcarebearbydecemberstock-

grrhh

wala lang.
malamig.
umaga na. di ko natapos yung pinahiram ni barangay na dvd ng Bleach.
Nova!

nakapagtataka pero naMi-Miss ko din si totoy bobo kahit na parang ngang iniwasan ko xa. hindi naman sa talagang iniiwasan ko na at di na magpaparamdam muli.. pero..
kaylangan ko ng bubbles.
napanaginipan ko pa.
kaibigan ko kasi. hehe.. ewan.

dearest totoy bobo,
sanang di mo nalang inamin..
kasi.. kasi.. hayy..
ewan pero ikaw yan. hehe..
fly.
gayunpaman, masaya ako at ganun pala tingin mo sakin.. salamat.

kahit na hindi ganun ang tingin ko. yun ang totoo.
masaya ako at may kaibigan akong tulad mo..
at ikaw parin ang special siopao ko na kulay pink.
jan ka lang muna sa ref. ha.. hehe.
salamat at naiintindihan mong hindi pa ko handang gumawa ng panibagong pelikula.
di pa kayang sumulat ng kamay ko.
hindi kita malilibre sa birthday ko..
at wag mo na rin akong bigyan ng diary na may lock..
wag nalang.. ha.. hatdog.

miss sexika, alam kong bored na bored ka na sa iyong buhay dyan.
minsan naman ay pinapatulan kita pero.. wag naman yung sobra..
wag mokong gawing twitter mo.. o blog o kung ano pa. hindi ako interesado sa chismis mo. sabi ko naman sayo gumawa ka na lang ng blog mo.. dun ka magsuka..
madumi na ako.

_my post was supposed to be about truth lies and denial...na makabuluhan.,
but then.. someone got in the way... wag mo kong isipin dahil di naman kita iniisip. cheh! (may iba akong iniisip na di naman ako iniisip! mwahaha _

masama ako..
masama ako!

wla muna akong pakealam sa mundo ngayon!!!

wag mo kong itxt kung ibabalita mo lang si angel locsin, o kung anu anong experiences mo sa pagpapaganda ng iyong katawan!

gatas ka!!

hahaa.. soO bad

grrr

Brush Away
-alice in chains-

I could use some time to curl away..
My aggression is where you stake your claim.
Why I question this curve on which you grade..
My conception, a joke or latest craze?

I try to get away, and yet I stick around..
So fall and crawl away, and brush away loose ground
Yeah.....

float.

2007-08-14T13:18:00.000+08:00

Real me
-ayu-

What I get?
What you get?
It may be an illusion..
And we may only want to believe what we have got them..

What I say?
What you say?
If we don't express our thoughts and feelings in words..
They may not be understood nor reached..

The present time starts here.

A woman never runs away,
A woman never hides away..
In order to survive..
You should not want to be healed
Without fighting..

A woman never shows her fears,
A woman never shows her tears..
In order to survive..
You should not easily show your tears to someone..

What I need?
What you need?

Maybe it's all right..
So long as I have desires..
and am not satisfied

What I lose?
What you lose?
Maybe I have heard enough people saying
that they knew the value of something..
only after losing it.

Love..
It's here.

A woman could be dangerous,
a woman could be generous..
in order to survive...
We cannot always be so good girls..

A woman could be having fun.
A woman could be like a nun..
In order to survive,
We cannot be kind to others before we know pain.

A woman could be dangerous,
a woman could be generous
in order to survive..
We cannot always be so good girls..
A woman could be having fun,
A woman could be like a nun..
In order to survive.
As I know..

You see the real me.

For Ur Cind Konsideration

2007-08-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

Mojo jojo to anonymous Powerpuff

mojo:

Nilagyan ko ng code at self destruct sequence to para sa security purpose pxenxa k na kung mhihirapan ka pang basahin to.. una sa lahat alam ko walang kapatawaran ung gnawa ko sayo.. naovercome ng takot na mawala k sken ung respeto ko sten dalawa pero.. iicipin mong hindi kita mahal pero ang totoo mahal kita at hangang ngayon mahal pa rin kita mahal na mahal anonymous Powerpuff girl.

cguro nga hindi p ito ung time.. hindi nko magmadali khng mbbgyan pko ng diyos ng pagkakataon mabuhay bigla pa lang ako magpaparamdam sayo pero hindi sa ngaun.. cguro nga nid na muna ng time.. my love can wait and until that day i would be single to wait for your forgiveness..

masaya ko at mahal mo p din ako un lng pinanghahawakan ko ngaun..my magtatapos muna ko ng pagaaral bubuwelo para magkaroon ng balls para mapantayan ko ung love mo.. hindi ko to cnasabi para kaawaan. akin lng mananatili ka sa puso at isipan ko lumipas man ang taon. natuto nko sa mga maling ginawa ko. pero hindi magbbago nraramdaman ko sayo ayaw man sken ng sangkatauhan para sayo.. Lalo na si Professor Utonium.

di ko malilimutan mga happy memories natin magkasama basta i will wait until the time na handa mo nko tangapin ulit pero its worth nman.. inuulit ko hindi kita niloko anonymous Powerpuff girl. cguro nga un dating sayo pero mahal na mahal kita.

may miracle pa naman na tinatawag di ba un n lng pagasa ko sa buhay. di k na mawawala sa buhay ko tandaan mo yan anu man mangyari skin, sa mga susunod n araw ikaw at ikaw pa din.. hindi pa din kita maalis sa icip ko.. hindi ko kaya na magpretend na masaya n wala kna kasi kaw kumukumpleto sken may happy ending din para sten..

you will always be my powerpuff.. you will always be my love.. you are the one i want to grow
old with but for now time ung importante.. nid ntn mkapagtapos ng pagaaral para wala ng hassle
sa relationship ntin..

im so wicked sana meron pko chance d2 sa mundo to prove myself and love to the
people especially sayong mahal ko.. naaala ko din ung mga plan natin kso ncra lahat un dahil sken minsan naicip ko n lng sumuko pero naicip ko na nid ko magsumikap kung gus2 ko pa kita makasama.. sana mapatawad mo ko at hayaan k mahalin ulit n pantay ng binigay mo hindi tayo d2 nagtatapos. i believe meron pang happy ending sten dalawa.. dadalin parin kita bilang inspirasyon ko sa araw araw, makalimutan mo man ako o magmahal k n ng iba, i'll just wait for you, i love you whatever happens.

ur Mojo.

Boom.

wow..

can you see me now?

2007-08-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

"Who can throw a stone at a man who favors his friends, when.. sooner or later it is a question of life and death? No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he would have done the same.."
-lines fr the book Man's search for meaning

Clowns: t.A.t.u.

Clowns that only let u know where u let your senses go.
Clowns all around you its a cross i need to bear.
All this black and cruel is fair, this is an emergency
Don't you hide your eyes from me, open them and see me now.

See me here in the air.. not holding on to anywhere
But holding on so beware .I have secrets I won't share.
See me here wishing you.. if I don't deny I do..
contemplate our wish away. If I ask u not to stay!

clowns are here to let u know.. where u let your senses go?
Clowns all around you.

it's a cross I need to bear.

All this black and cruel is fair,.
This is an emergency.

don't you hide your eyes from me
Open them and see me now.

fs haste ls haste

2007-08-06T20:48:00.000+08:00

arrghh!! i am writing i am writing!
okay. since i have decided not to leave this pink blog..
(don't be fooled by its theme.. it can be bad sometimes, lalo na ngayon, na i took my Poders advice.. pagkatapos kong marinig ang kanyang mga komentaryo ukol sa aking mga naisulat.. )

eh halos nega at masama nasa utak ko? edi nega lahat lumabas.. hehe..

sorry 100% unfiltered na to ha..
matamaan na matamaan.. magalit na magalit.. toinks. paktay kang bata ka.

anyways, we had our recollection with the second year students last Thursday and..
and i was late. =) .. for 35 minutes.. hahaha..hayz.
so the moment i got to the conference room, the facilitator handed me the microphone and asked me to tell something about myself.. give my favorite number, state my relationship status.. blah blah..

:waahh!! nakakahiya! nakakahiya talaga! late ako at pagod na ako! anung magagawa ko eh ang mga stillettos lang na toh masusuot ko? oh pain, oh agooonyyy! hinihingal ako tas pagdating ko ganito?? nakakahiya! hehe.. my fault.:

pero hindi ang grand entrance ko ang dahilan kung bakit ako sumulat ngayon.
wala lang. gusto ko lang sumulat. hehe.

Our topic was about relationships. . specially the ones we have with our siblings and parents.
in short, our families..

Relationships change and develop over time. For example, relationships with parents change, moving towards more equality as we grow and become more independent. We start to develop interests outside the family and build closer relationships with our peers.. and .. our jawos.. no matter how many they are. hehe..

The pace of life today is such that often relationships are given a low priority in our list of things to be attended to. What about importance?

"sino mga pinakamamahal mo sa buhay?"
"mahalaga ba sila?"
"paano mo naipapakita na mahalaga nga sila para sayo?"

____

The facilitator told us that the key factor is time.
This means that the more time we spend to these people equates the importance that we tend to give to them.

ganun?

sino ba? pamilya? kaibigan?
sino madalas mo kasama?
saan ba? school?

diba diba?
siguro nga.. sabagay.. uhuh..
pati na rin siguro Communication.

my father asked me not to close doors on them."maging open ka naman sakin.."
okay na. na-prove ko that.. if people don’t communicate well, their relationship will suffer..
champre.

We can discuss issues, raise conflicts assertively, negotiate and can also make decisions. relationship is a medium through which they allow us to flourish.. it involves an emotional connection with each other and can animate us.. it's important to take a good look at the relationships in our lives and pay a little more attention to nurturing.. after which we 'll feel a lot better if we did so, and the relationship can only grow stronger for the effort we put into it... eeFFFooRt! !

oo nga. applicable din sa jawo..
kanina nabasa ko: "love cannot endure indifference,it needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of anothers heart, or it's flame burns out.

hehe.. econonomics nga naman.
kung importante ka nga sa kanya eh paglalaanan ka nya ng panahon..
hindi yung ipagpapalit ka sa mahiwagang game na TADO.. diba diba? yes? yes?

so.. spend more time with your loved ones..

know the true value of time.. seize and enjoy every moment of it.
ikanga nila, no idleness, no delay, no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

ano ang linyang ito? "siguro nga hindi pa ito yung time natin.. may happy ending din tayo"

haha.. as if naman nahuhulaan nya future.. o xa..

ikaw, ano mahalaga sayo?

___
galing ng timing.
text ni sasarai

Love shows itself in action, not just words..
Relationships take TIME and EFFORT, and the best way to give love is TIME.
Attention says: i value you enough to give you my most precious asset..
my time.
it is making a sacrifice..
and sacrifice is the essence of love..

hello babay?

2007-08-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

hola! ayan. by request eh nag-post ako.

ang totoo.. gumawa ako ng bagong blog.
maxado na naging public ang blog na ito..
(what do i expect? hehe)
lalo na sa mga taong nakakakilala sa akin.
lalayasan ko na ba talaga ito?

ang hirap. mas mahirap iwanan kesa sa jawo ko.

whatchatink?
tink! tink!

answer me. =)

(ps: malay mo may ma-i-click ka sa mga links ko at mahanap mo yun?)

____________________________
this is a tribute

dahil sa kadahilanang hindi ako makapag-submit ng Ten most Influential blogs of 2007 ,
ay ipoposte ko na lang ang mga listahan ng mga blogs na kahindik-hindik, kagilagilalas at di kapani paniwala.
in short, mga lagi kong binibisita. heeee!
=)

1. Quinkoy
2. hayasaki
3. pochi
4.Courtchief
5.tami
6.fionixe
7.bulitas
8.bombero king
9.my secret and defective life
10.billycOy

ayan.
peace sa lahat.

FDW.

2007-07-15T21:11:00.000+08:00

SE K750i.

gusto ko nito.
mukhang malabo ko na mabawi yung SLR cam ko sa taong pinaghiraman ko..

#@%#^#$#!!!!

chi, ganito ba phone moh?
ganda resolution. walang sinabi N90.

minsan minsan lang ako magkainteres sa mga ganitong bagay ha.. hehe..

donations everyone??

________________
ahaha.. edit.

the probability of goin to hell.
daw.
whoah!

Your Deadly Sins

Gluttony: 60%

Envy: 20%

Pride: 20%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Sloth: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You'll die from a diabetic coma.

How Sinful Are You?

in the end, take a bow.

2007-07-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

at peace..
malapit na matapos ang lahat! hahaha..

at kung may darating pa. kaya.
=)

got a new friend.

13. thanks. thanks a LOT.
eye opener.
-libre kita when i get to FEU.-
and to my Shepherd of course.
=)

______________________________________

I've been tagged by tami.
the seven random things about me.. that people usually don't know.

okay.

1. i take a bath at past twelve a.m.. everyday.
2. i always get late going to appointments and to school because i unintentionally and unknowingly pass a lot of time in front of the mirror..(natutulala lng ako)
3. i listen to jazz music.. at fine arts talaga ang gusto kong kurso sa kolehiyo.pero masaya din ako sa nursing.
4. i love to cook. (non-meat. hehe)
5. gustong-gusto ko yung syrup sa fruit cocktail na puro preservatives ang content.
6. i am a very sensitive person. 'di halata.
7. i want to live in a secluded island. walang pera walang polusyon walang ingay. puro gulay at isda..may electric supply. solar-generated. =) minimum of two electronic devices lang pwede. ( un ang laptop at speakers.) wewewe.. (problema ko kanin. T_T)

'yun lang po.
i won't tag others.
i got reasons.peace.

this week.
____________
nag absent me sa school to help a friend in need.
napagalitan ako ng mama ko.

magaan na pakiramdam ko sa mga bagay na nakakasakit sa akin.
iniwan ko na kase.
hahaha

napagalitan ako sa mama ko dahil pinahiram ko slr camera nya.
pentax kc 'yun.
after 11 hrs, di na xa galit
binigyan ko kc xa ng mahabag-damdaming birthday card.

nalaman ko na hindi na applicable ang pagiging santo ngayon.
masakit.
di lang sa'yo
kundi sa mga taong nag-aaruga sa'yo
hehehe..
alagaan ang sarili.

parang amo ka na inaalagaan ang aso mo..
tas kakagatin ka pa.
gayunpaman, hindi ako gaganti.

pagod na ako.

tapusin na ang palabas.
sawa nako sa tema.
sawa na'ko sa mga tauhan.
tama na ang mga ilusyon.

magic.

bagong pahina naman.
***
happy to leave you.

ngayong alam ko na talaga mga baraha mo.
inhumane ka talaga.
*****

Wish you well, I cannot stay.
You deserve an award for the role that you played .
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star.

Say your lines but do you feel them.
Do you mean what you say when theres no one around..
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[one lonely star you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known its true
You took my love for granted, why oh why?
The show is over, say good-bye.

sick cycle

2007-07-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

practice what you preach chei.

i'm starting to hate you.

living in the shadows of deceit

2007-07-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

"I deny the lawfulness of telling a lie to a sick man for fear of alarming him. You have no business with consequences; you are to tell the truth...It may bring his distemper to a crisis, and that may cure him. Of all lying, I have the greatest abhorrence of this, because I believe it has been frequently practiced on myself".- Samuel Johnson

tama. 'yan ang header ko.

"i have the greatest abhorrence of this....
....I believe it has been practiced on myself."

lies.
false reassurance.
faking.
malik-mata.
mirage.
multo.

"okay lang kahit murahin mo pa ako."
"kung masasakit na salita sabihin mo sa akin."
"basta totoo."
-wag ganito.

-sana masabi ko.

if you'll stab me, make it quick.
use an ice-pick. katana pwede rin.
pierce right through me.
stab hard. stab deep.

wag 'yung ganito.
small blade..
slowly cutting through me..
superficial.
unti-unti.

Don't break it to me gently.
I don't need your lies.
lalong sumasakit.
mahirap.

cut my heart and slash my soul.

tao ako.

sana di ka gumaganti.

(ayy stupid i forgot di mo pala alam blogsite ko. of all people. hahaha)

>melodies of life: napansin ko lang. halos lahat ng post dito ay malungkot. sana maiba naman ang tugtog.

separation anxiety attack

2007-07-08T22:38:00.000+08:00

this song can't stop playin' on my mind..
the whole day.
ewan. di naman uso 'toh ngaun ah? yee!
lagi ko sinasabi wala akong fear.
ngayon pala eh lahat kinatatakutan ko..
dami naiicp.
bored kahit dami ginagawa.
OC.
paranoid in denial.

I Try
Macy Gray

Games, changes and fears..
When will they go from here?
When will they stop?
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together,
But we're not.
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you.
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning..

I try to say goodbye and I choke,
Try to walk away and I stumble.
Though I try to hide it, it's clear.
My world crumbles when you are not near..

I may appear to be free,
But I'm just a prisoner of your love..
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave.
But my smiles are just a front.
Just a front, hey..
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you.
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning.

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
Deny.

Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, it's clear (sick of love)
My world crumbles when you are not near (your love, kisses and..)

_______________
kanina

napadpad ako sa tarlac.(business matters.)
habang nagaabang ng jeep for almost an hour..
nakakita ako ng live na autobot..
si optimus prime. haha..
saya ko..
'yun nga lang hindi xa nagtransform. dinaanan lang ako.
at inalikabukan.
sayang.

malungkot parin.
eto mensahe ko sa single friends. na malungkot at nangungulit.
(hi mei!)
hindi 'big sabihin na hindi ka single eh masaya kana.
minsan, di ka naman talaga in-love.
emotionally attached lang.
dependent ka sa taong 'yon.
woot!
at 'pag nawawala, eh.. uhm.. tama na.

+

loneliness of being single.
hindi rin siguro sagot ang friends.
nagiging distraction sila, para sumaya ka for a moment.
they help..
and when you're alone, you're alone.
mag-iisip ka na naman.
hindi rin sagot ang bf/gf.
parang alcohol yan, parang caffeine.
bakit? di ko alam. nasabi ko lang. isipin mo nalang.

find comfort in yourself first.
alagaan mo 'yung snowglobe moh..
'dun ka sa loob. protected.
parang shield yan against Boazanian monsters.
then one day..
biglang may magbabasag.
shattered na ang snow globe mong maganda.
( hihi.. so mean of me to say.. but it is true.)
kaya be ready.
ika nga ni Darwin:
"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change. "

=)

la lang.
pasenxa na kung ano naiicp ko eh sinusulat ko.
naiisip ko lang si mei.
iska kaya mo yan.

ako.
taken..
and alone.
haha..
life.

babush.

seven seven seven

2007-07-07T23:10:00.000+08:00

frustrated.
this is the day i was always waiting for since July 7, 2002.
sigh.. (may tinanong ako kay God nung araw na yun sa Church. teary-eyed pah..)

the moment i woke up this morning, i sent friends txt messages na "happy 777." fave number ko din ang seven.
it should be a happy day. blessed.. lucky, ect.. blah blah..

turns out, hindi.
grrhh..

supposed to be, may papanoorin ako kanina with a friend.
or.. i would have somebody hancuffed.. =) (ui nag-isip xa..)
what happened was...

>i printed out thirty pieces of balloons this morning, because nag-absent yung isang nagtatrabaho sa shop namin.. 'tas ako pa ngGlaze. so tiring. may vertigo ako so hilong-hilo na ako kanina.. and i forgot to bring Serc with me.

>nasayang nanaman unli ko ng 5 days coz wla akong katext. kahit si E.T. I think he's mad at me. snoban nanaman kami.

>my mother and i brought my little sister to the hospital coz she's having relapses of fever, and may earache..

>my sister was admitted to the hospital. Diagnoses: pneumonia with otitis media.

>i went home. alone.
naglakad ako sa ulan.
so cold..
i'm wet.
i got 100 bucks left.
i passed by two lovers. ang sweet nila.
the boy won't let a drop of rain fall on his girl.(un tingin ko.)
asa kanya na jacket, pinayungan pa, tas naka-akbay.
wow. dry and warm. with the presence of her boyfriend.
masaya sila.

okay, so nainggit nanaman ako..

>bf ay nasa malate. pumunta sa gig. di 'man lang nagtxt. (okay nagpaalam naman)
this paranoid personality disorder of mine is overworking again.
i tried to call. tas dinrop ko. hehe..
"pag masaya ka nakakalimutan mo ako."
re:"wala akong load. nagpapasa lang."

wow.
i shouldnt't care.
don't worry di na kita hahanapin.
i won't worry anymore kung napano ka na or what. (posible ba yun? duh chei?.. oo)

nakakainis pag alam mo na ugali ng isang tao.
nakakainis din when someone tries to lie to you, and turns out he's a bad lier.

nakakainis.

i need a hug.

sige. i'm tired and i want to sleep nah.
nagkwento lang ako.
complaints..

iniisip ko tuloy kung ano sagot ni God.

again, i need a hug. sigh..

_____________
nawalan ng power supply nang itinatype ko ang post na to.
buti may autosave ang blogger.
so lucky.

Tanga daw si St. Mother Theresa,.

2007-07-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."- Mother Theresa

If love hurts, then love some more, if love hurts some more, then love even more, if love hurts even more... then love 'till it hurts no more..

yan.
hmm.. kung mababasa to ni E.T. pamilyar to skanya.
("Loving you doesn't hurt me anymore. I have learned to understand you. bleeh!")

tama na drama.
wala lang. walang kwenta. share ko lang. haha..
no. thing is, in my Christian Formation class this morning, and that topic is what's bothering my 2nd-year
classmates.(i'm supposed to be a fourth-year BSN student but then i dropped out of school last february,on my third year at school, so irreg ako ngayon and i have 2nd-year and fourth-year classmates.. blah blah..)

two days na nilang pinaguusapan yan. mind-boggling daw. sigh.

here's the question: kaya mo bang ibigay ang lahat para sa mahal mo? Lahat? buo?
karamihan sa mga nakababata naming kaklase ay sumagot na:"No. I can't give my all to the person I love."

me thinking:
"huh? anu ba yon? nagmahal kaba talaga non? anu daw? baka iba naiisip nila? baka katawan? anu?? di naman siguro."

nagtanong muli ang aking gwapong professor:"Are you willing to give everything? sacrifice everything for the people you love? Are you willing to GIVE YOURSELF to others? the whole of you? "
yung classmate ko sa mismong likod ko nag-react violently,pasigaw: "huh?! anoh? katangahan na 'yun noh!! TANGA lang gagawa nyan!"

.. bigla ako napatingin sa kanya. tinignan ko talaga sa mata.resigned look. smile ako jan. then, i resumed drawing in my lil notebook. sarcastic ah.

me thinking (1 000 000 neurons per second):
"nakuha nya naman siguro nais kong ipahiwatig. siguro hindi pa nya maintindihan. hindi pa sya nagmahal. minahal ba nya pamilya nya? hmm.. well, she's sixteen. and maybe she had experienced loving someone.

and she's just scared to love again.

true.

i also got to that point in my life that i was scared to love.
Love makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses..you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one person comes into your life..You give them a piece of you. Oftentimes they didn't ask for it.. They'll do something dumb one day and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you..baka she was left behind or was suddenly dumped by someone she trusted. okay, so mejo nakakatakot nga ma-inLove. andun na ako."

sagot ng gwapong prof: what about Jesus? he gave everything. Sacrificed... blah blah..(CF subject toh!) Si Mother Theresa, sabi nya magmahal ka lang ng magmahal. ibigay mo lahat ng sarili mo. So, miss _, tanga pala si Mother Theresa? Saint Mother Theresa. wala palang pwedeng maging santo dito ngayon?
kung nagmahal ka pero hindi mo ibinigay ang buo ng iyong sarili, nagmahal ka nga ba?"

silence hits the class.

someone said: "pano ko po ibibigay ang sarili ko? edi wala nang natira sakin?"

naisip ko:"asayo parin naman ang katawan mo. i-share mo lang siguro. kahit naman mamatay ka may maiiwan parin sayo. yung kaluluwa mo." ( wag sana ma mis-interpret)

mukha bang joke? o loka loka nagsulat?

haha.. dba? diba? ako aaminin ko. ganun ako. i love to help kahit na alam kong mapapabayaan ko na yung sarili kong needs. ewan. natural lang. Am I stupid? malamang. at one point. pero i'm bothered when i don't help someone who needs help. Charity tawag 'don. Ito na siguro ang dahilan kung bakit ako pumasok sa masakit sa ulo na nursing.siguro. it makes my life meaningful. kahit na aaminin ko ang gusto ko talagang kunin na kurso ay Fine Arts or Architecture.. masaya parin ako sa pagtulong.

hindi dapat tungkol dito isusulat ko ngayon. marami gumugulo sa isip ko.
parricide, LADLAD Party list, autobots, ocean's 13, slr ko, di kami bati ni ET, vertigo..

pero.. o xa..

inaantok na rin ako. hindi nya ako bati.

-sana walang mahiya o matakot magbigay ng komento. di ako nangangagat. masarap ang diskusyon.

bow

the lotus is in bloom.

2007-06-29T22:42:00.000+08:00

some lines from joni mitchell's song "both sides now"

Rows and floes of angel hair,
And ice cream castles in the air..
and feather canyons everywhere..
I've looked at clouds that way.

But now they only block the sun.
They rain and snow on everyone..

So many things I would have done,
But clouds got in my way..

Tears and fears and feeling proud,
to say I love him right out loud.
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
I've looked at life that way.

But now old friends are acting strange..
They shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Well something's lost, but something's gained, in living every day.

As every fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way...

..But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go.
And if you care, don't let them know,
Don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now.
From give and take, and still somehow...

i love you.

sigh.. july's coming.

i've spent the whole month of june singled out,and in contemplation..
and..
i finally found myself.

i was wrong. in sooO many ways.
i confess i have been so self-centered.
i realized he's not a pig after all.
i cheated on him.
i realized i was dumb.
I've known who my real friends are.
i admit i was weak.
i should've fought harder.
i've known that i am such a paranoid freak.
i have a number of personality disorders..
three.. and counting.
hayyz..

Dependent Personality Disorder

[involves severe and disabling emotional dependency on others. have difficulty making decisions without a great deal of advice and reassurance from others. urgently seek out another relationship when a close relationship ends. They feel uncomfortable by themselves.]

Paranoid Personality Disorder

[feel constant suspicion and distrust toward other people. believe that others are against them and constantly look for evidence to support their suspicions. hostile toward others and react angrily to perceived insults.]

Borderline personality disorder

-experience intense emotional instability, particularly in relationships with others. may make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment by others. experience minor problems as major crises. may also express their anger, frustration, and dismay through suicidal gestures, self-mutilation, and other self-destructive acts. They tend to have an unstable self-image or sense of self.

may gaahshh! psychotic!

uhmm.. i'm not trying to seek professional counseling though..

i already have my counselor. hehehe..
he's an extra-terrestrial creature.

i love this life.

_______________________________
addendum ni doc:

these days.
i spend a lot of time on cooking.
kanina, i bought something special for someone special sa mall.
i was alone.
and was happy.

gusto ko mapanod ocean's 13 or transformers.
papanorin namin is harry potter.
sigh..
at least..
it's for free! ehe..

'yung SLR ko, pahiram ko muna kay e.t.
sana di hanapin samin.
lookin forward to see his grandmOm again.
i hope her health gets better.

ano kaya dadalhin ko?
hmmMM..
i'm not supposed to be writing about this.

it's extremely dangerous.

aja!

the 28th post

2007-06-22T00:20:00.000+08:00

now i know i love you..

i do.

now i know you really love me.

thanks for being there..
thanks for being my friend.
thanks for the love.

i'm sorry for my mistakes.
i have been bad to you.

thanks for everything.

e muja oui ruhao.

the final song.. the perfect song.

2007-06-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

the final song
calla lily

Tired of looking at your photographs
Smiling at your latest craze
You can change the things you say and do
But nothing can change the fact
That you are sadly deranged
And i want nothing to do with you

No more hot tears and pride
No more bloodshed this time

I'm moving on to a better place
Nightmares don't arrive when i see your face
Cannot hold on to a bitter past
Candles like us were never meant to last

Maybe you were right and i was wrong
But nonetheless this is my final song
About you

Tired of thinking about memories
Laughing at your plastic head
Even after all that we've been through
Nothing can change the fact
That i walked the path
And i was happy to see it through

No more hot tears and pride
No more bloodshed this time

I'm moving on to a better place
Nightmares don't arrive when i see your face
Cannot hold on to a bitter past
Candles like us were never meant to last

Maybe you were right and i was wrong
But nonetheless this is my final song
Let's go...

Maybe you were right and i was wrong
But nonetheless this is my final song

Maybe you were right and i was wrong
But nonetheless this is my final song

I'm moving on to a better place
Nightmares don't arrive when i see your face
Cannot hold on to a bitter past
Candles like us were never meant to last

Maybe you were right and i was wrong
But nonetheless this is my final song...

salamat.

2007-06-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

'this post was written last june 5 2007

finally free.

ehem ehem..

pat!

welcome back!
it's been three years.. joke..
another reason why i should feel happy.

lots of reasons.. i was just too stupid.. spending my time in seclusion..
lonely.. down.. depressed..
seven months.
thinking of someone.. who's probaby having a good time right now.. ignoring me.(well, goodluck sayo at sa leche mong fb!umasenso ka sana.)
>yhel, read this. ehe.
< nah.. snap out of it chei.

hindi ito ang sinasabi kong controbersial na post..
next time maybe.. hmm.. sabi nyo lahat ng post ko eh controbersial.. ewan. something happened eh.. i think this is a more positive one...
woOh! tag mo sa scoreboard! minsan minsan lang toh..

i'm just glad.. amazed. how blessed i am.. inspite of what had happened to me.
just knowing that a lot of people are looking forward reading my posts..
the ones which never left me.. people calling me.. sending me messages even though i can't respond..
sending me letters.. visiting me.. mga taong nag aagawan para makuha oras ko..
in short, mga nagpapahalaga skin. na if ever mawala nga talaga ako eh.. hahanapin ako.

never thought that many people really care about me.. concerned of what i'm goin' through. or should i say..
i was just too focused with something to notice them.
i ignored the ones who really love and care for me without even asking for anything in return. the ones who make me laugh.. respecting me. giving me importance.. (kahit na may kanya-kanya kaming buhay at problema, they still managed to give me a part of their precious precious time) how could i ignore them? life could have been a lot harder without them.

this shows that there is so much more to life that should be given importance.. that i took for granted. hmm..
to think of it.. why was he ignoring me?
answer? it's all a matter of economics.. and logic.
sad thing is i'm not good at economics.. kung san ako nalulugi dun ako pumupunta.. hak..

and logic..? blind obedience and blind love killed the logic inside me.. and burned its remains..
the person i prioritized most is showing me that i was not worth his time anymore..
(eh ang dami namang nag aagawan jan sakin..
lam nila kung ano tlaga ako..in and out. i won't hide myself. i'm not a faker.)

this may sound selfish and boastful of me.. it's just true eh..
i finally realized what i'm worth.. and i shouldn't settle for anything less..

here's a text message from a friend: "opinion: kasalanan mo nah, kaw kasi, masyadong malambot puso moh.. wag magpaalila, ipaglaban ang karapatang pang kababaihan, pugsain ang pang aapi, mabuhay ang namatay! toinx!"

it was a joke. and it meant something. ala Gabriela anoh??

hayy.. etoh.. specials.. making a list ain't bad eh?? over acting lang. ehe. sa mga unmentioned, mamemention din kau. i hope this is not another mistake. uncensored ako. sorry!

dalaga and oti: i'm sorry i was such a stubborn daughter.. i know i'm hard to handle. i'm thankful that you have never given up on me though i've always pushed you away.. thanks for the patience and support. i won't let you down anymore.

mish: you've always been such a good friend. you're my best. we had our fights.. ehe.. there's a lot that we've gone through.. never thought na after what have happened to us anjan kpa din.. 3 years din tyong hindi okay..diba? i admit that i left you just when you really needed me thae most, the times that you were down.. and i wasn't even there to support you..di kita ntulungan mgbuhat ng burden. bad ko. i knew you needed me that time.. but aun nga, as i've said, tatanga tanga ako sa economics. yung mga dapat i-value eh tinatapon ko. i'm sorry. i promise i won't ever do that again. i want to thank you for the help.. kahit na you know that mapapahamak ka pag tinulungan moko.. don't worry, tayo lang may alam ng katotohanan. =) salamat sa balde baldeng advices.. na hiningi ko at binigay mo.. pero di ko nagawang lunukin.. sa pagtyaga mong magtext ng wee hours just to make me feel better.. grrhh.. i love you tol! you're the only one who've never let me down. sa mga friends. the one i've trusted that NEVER betrayed me or left me hangin'.

barbie: alam kong hindi mo mababasa toh.. pero.. well.. ewan. salamat sa lahat.. maxado marami ginawa mo para isulat ko. hehe.. classmate nanaman kita! mwah!

choki dude: thanks for being a brother to me.. kahit matanda pko sau.. salamat sa pagttyagang paguntog ng ulo ko sa pader. sa pag libre ng rh cocolet.. sa pagsama sakin sa simbahan.. sa.. sa.. kalokohan mo! at pag gising sakin sa umaga kahit di ako sumasama sayo.

yuuya: salamat din. may magic ka ata for always makin me feel better.. alam kong nagalit ka sakin kahit papano.. na Feel ko eh.. "Ikaw, ikaw, ako, tayo ay masaya...Nais kong sabihin sa iyo at sabihin mo rin sa iba na kahit anong mangyari di ka mag-iisa..Kamay ko'y hawakan puso ko'y tignan..di ka iiwanan..kahit pa saan.Hwag ka lang matakot sa ano pa man..pagkat ako'y kasama.hindi mo ba nkikita, Hndi mo ba nkikita?" tayo ay masaya... lagi ko pinapakinggan mga songs moh.. =) oo, nakikita ko nah. =)

jheiie: you've always been right..^^,. miss you dudung.. you've been a great help.. sorry di ako makalabas kasama kaw.. hehe.. enjoy sana.

ziel: tama ka.. tama ka.. gago! hehe.. joke. salamat din sa advices.. kaylangan nga mag aral.. tama ka.. talo ako.. there's always something gOod to look forward to.. di ko kakalimutan sinabi mo.. gago.salamat sa mga debate. single or taken../_/_/_/ tayo!(akalain mo, lumitaw ka dito?peace)

prince eyeh: thanks for having me as your princess.. princess fiona! hahahaa... ayan sabi ko lilitaw ka dito. hmm.. thanks sa advices.. sa tsupport.. kahit malayo ka.. eh nakatulong ka talaga.. yung attention.. at pagmulat sakin sa mga di ko nakikita. salamat..for making me laugh again. i will keep my promise.

chi and alain: i knew you would understand..wag na tayo emo ha.. blag blagan nah! ^^

khaye and yhet: it's been a while.. hmm.. wait lang.. may gagawin ako. hehe

d ex: pangit mu!

bow. pagod nkoh.. publish ko na toh.. baka mawala nanaman connection..

inert..

2007-05-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

five days.

just five days has passed and.. whoah..
a lot of significant events and changes lodged into my life..
significant..

ehehe..

yeah.. most of my friends say.. nah.. okay.. all of my friends tell me that i'm the most inconsistent being they have encountered..

unstable..
dynamic..

they sometimes say that i just lie..

truth is.. i don't. they're just not updated of the things i'm goin through..
change.. always flips sides..

parang si.. {} mahilig magflip.. wOoh!

{please don't bring prejudice here.. lalo na ikaw, elaine.}di ako naghahanap ng away.. i'm here to express my thoughts.. i'm not angry though.. pakiusap ko lang noh.. if ever you relay stories about people.. they must be exact.. specific..impartial.. unbiased.. it must be the truth.. partial truth is more lethal than a blatant untruth dude. you are indeed responsible and accountable to whatever you say.. or do. i just hope that the things i've heard about you.. playing a role of a broadcast journalist.. nah.. bad broadcast journalist ain't true.. baka mapalitan mo pa si perez hilton nyan.. abah.. chikadOra! rant all you can! i hope you know what friendship means.. really means. yung essence ha.. i'll be waiting for your response dear.. speak to me clearly.. and unmasked.

wooh.. like the second hand of the clock..
now i'm here.. with one blink.. i'm half a mile away..
nOw i'm married.. after a few minutes.. i'm divorced..
after a day..
ahaha..

whatever.

people..

bakit ba maxado inaabangan mga nangyayari sa buhay ko? haha.. read my blog.. updated ka dito.. get the news straight from my writings..

kitsches..

i don't mean to fool them.. they're making fools out of themselves..

my week today.. is a melting pot of emotions.. roughly mixed.. a salad mixed up with strong spices you can barely eat..

vomitus, vomitus.. where have you gone?

aw... i wonder what will happen tomorrow?

this post is so mixed up..

disgorge as you please.

♥ happy birthday ruh ♥

2007-05-05T20:11:00.000+08:00

♥ e muja oui cu silr..†

2007-05-03T14:37:00.000+08:00

i don't even know if this will be read by the one who's supposed to be reading it..

i hope he does read it..
as soon as possible.

† truth hurts that's why we lie..
or at least keep it from being revealed.† ice

still waiting for my phone to ring.. how pathetic..
sigh..

rehte gy hy hky hykbynystys..hycygdyh oydy gedy..gykype..afyh..
yhk duduu te gu ymys yhk kykyfeh..yd te gu ymys gihk sypypycy su hky edu..
rehte gyoy rehte by gedy hybybydyfyt?cekinu yo rehte su dymyky ymys myryd hk kehyfy su cygeh..
hyeehec ygu.. rehte gu symesidyh myryd hk hyhkoyne.myryd.. gihk hykikimiryh gy yd rehte su dymyky ymys myryd hk kehyfy su, syyyne su eduhk edyhuhk cy ygeh.. yd cycykideh gu myryd. myryd.cy egydydyreseg hk ydehk acdytu.
uu.. cehicipigyh suhk sykpyku.. ymys gu oyh..banu cy hygegedy gu.. yd hynynyhycyh hkyouh..rehte synihuhk hykpyku yhk dyu..
kyhoyh gy tyde..kyhoyh gy byneh hkyouh..
ygu teh.fymyhk bykpypyku.
u ygu hy yhk syo syme hkyouh?lkinu uu.. hykekehk sygycyneme ygu..hykekehk ihvyen cyou..
gihk kyhedu hymyhk myke yhk hyhkoyoyne..rehte egyf yhk syyynehk sykehk cyhre hk ygehk gymekyoyryh cy piryo..kyhuh teh ygu cyou..tyrem te hy gedy gyoyhk bycyoyreh..sypekyd cy muup gu.fymy hy yguhk mygyc. hyipuc hy.
hynanacdneld myryd hk kykyfeh gu..byny syrymeh gy.. imed.
eh crund, hykekehk peddan ygu..hykekehk dehkeh gu cyou yo gyyfyo..
cekinu hky yo dehybuc su hy yhk myryd cy ydeh..kyouhk te gy hy hky hkbynystys..
yougu yhk kyheduhk bygenystys..banu ymys guhk kehykyfy gu teh edu cyou sehcyh.. byk kymed ygu.
cyhy..
cyhy sykehk sycyoy hy dyou..synyse hy yguhk hykyfyhk bykgygysyme.. yd yougu hyhk tyktykyh by.
rehte gu dymyky ymys gihk pyged tisydehk gy cy piryo gu..huhcahca oydy dyou.. edu gehydydygud gu tyde by.
yyseheh gu.. hyfymy hy yhk tyde guhk bykdehkeh cyou..behebemed gu syhk epymeg, ar syrenyb..hkihed yoyf gedyhk syfymy cy piryo gu..rehte gu ymys yhk dihyo hy tyremyh.
synyse yguhk behykcececeryh hkyouh..edu myhk behykceceryh gu piuhk piryo gu..
dra suna dryd e's dnoehk du lunnald ed.. dra suna es cdilg fedr oui.... suna byeh..
bynyhk fymy dyou cy dysyhk byhyruh..syme..
myryd..
gihk syepypymeg gu myhk yhk byhyruh..yo bebemeeh gu hymyhk hy sykgyepekyh hymhk sihy dyou..byny hkgygemymy dyou hk sypide..yd sydepyo yhk bihtycouh hydeh.
banu hyhkoyne hy..
oui fana dra uha e dnicdat suna dryh yhouha amcaoui'na dra uha dryd e druikrd fuimt pa drana yd so faygacd susahd..pid ehcdayt..oui ekhunat sa dryd desa..

sykehk syyouc syh dyou imed fmy hguhk pypyfeeh cy myryd hk sky hycype gu tyrem myryd hsh oyh duduu..
cyhy sykehk syyouc hy yhk myryd..
sygybihdy gyoy ygu cy gyynyfyh su?bibihdy gy gyoy?
sycecenyyh hgu hk imu..
syrym gedy..
e muja oui cu silr.
dryd ed rindc sa ajah suna frah e rind oui.

is there still use in trying?

koinu

love and peace to you.

neko
†††

♥ nuhymt, byny cyou dur..y maddan du oui. part 1

2007-05-01T23:18:00.000+08:00

normal readers can't understand this..

a letter to you.

syrym gedy..banu pyged kyhih?kicdu gu sihyhk sykehk symyoy..

byny sykyfy yhk sky tybyd guhk kyfeh..
gymesidyh gy byhcysyhdymy..
syk ynym..
sykdybuc.
kisnytiyda..
sykdnypyru..

po drah e fuimt ryja y cdypma zup..
yrayt ygu hk dfu oaync cyou..pid ed tuach'd syddan..
yoyf hk hygynynyse cyou..pid ed tuach'd syddan..
yhk tyse guhk kicduhk cypereh cyou hkyouh banu pyged te gu sycype?
yhk tyse guhk kicduhk kyfeh banu te gu sykyfy..
syrym gedy banu kicdu guhk gisyfymy..
hygygyehec..

syrym gedy..banu pyged fymy hguhk mygyc?
bfata pyhk desa uid sihy?
pendrtyo su hy cy 5..
fymy syh myhk yguhk nakymu cyou..
bycahqy gyhy..
youguhk sykehk bmycdel..
cyou..
yd cy cyneme gu..
hyeehec ygu..tegu mys kykyfeh..
rehte gu ymys..

syrym by hky py gedy?

uu.

♥ happy twenty seven ♥

2007-04-27T20:25:00.000+08:00

♥ denial passing sorrow.

2007-04-26T17:46:00.000+08:00

In my silence I would love to forget

but restitution hasn't come quite yet..

with one accord I keep moving forth..

I stretch my heart to heal some more..

It used to be all I want to learn.. was wisdom, trust and truth..

By now all I really want to learn, is forgiveness for you.

As my seasons change i have now grown to know, when ones heart creates, one's soul doesn't owe.

So I wash away stains of yesterday..

Then tempt my heart with love's display..

All these broken pieces of arrows in my side?

I thought i could run with them.. i know now i can't hide,

so i'm looking out upon the darkness down the tracks..

My heart just won't let you go, i love you even still.

Love and hate, they both come along.

We start to walk as if nothing had happened..

But I remember today that the fighting never ends..

It's not how it used to be.

Everyone surely has darkness hidden somewhere in their heart..

Oftentimes it prevents them from living as they wish.

We can't imagine other people's pain, It's hard for us to share it.

But i'm here.. whoever i may be to you..

and if I meet someone whom I really want to face..I don't want to feel fear..

surely i know i won't feel it..

You shut the door of your heart with a violent noise and lost the key to open it a long time ago..

So just tell me exactly how you feel.. just with common words..and with common expressions..

It's so fearful to believe in what's invisible and formless..

But if you can do so, don't you feel it's wonderful?

Don't stare so weakly with a resigned look.. as if to say "such life"??..

Where is the person who could get what he wanted without making any sacrifices?

no one. you see?

You have the thing which I long for.. which I had lost and will never get again.

however, i strongly I wish for it..

but then someone will say," what is lost can never be saved."

tell me i'm not fooling myself.

ang bilis. hayaan mo nga xang maglaway

2007-04-24T01:33:00.001+08:00

kaka poste ko lang ng kadramahan minutes ago..
peroo..

nabasa ko ito sa blog ni argie...
at.. guminhawa pakiramdam ko.

arghie :

WhEn All eLsE fAiL.... Use a Fork

bakit ganun
daming taong pinoproblema masyado ang pag-ibig
totoo man i find love problem sa waste of my time isang malaking HELOOOOOO!!!
sa lahat nang namrumrublema tungkol sa love na yan

dami pang mas importanteng bagayna kailangan nating problemahingaya nang global warming, aids, at ang magiging katapusan nang maging sino kaman, (wala lang nagpapatawa lang)
i mean wala namang masama na isipin mo tungkol sa lovelife mo walang masamana paminsan minsan umiiyak ka pero wag mo namang hayaang kontrolin nang kabiguan mosa pagibig ang buhaysabi nga sa isang pelikulang napanuod ko
tatlong stages lang naman pinagdadaanan natinpagdating sa love eh

"LOVE, LEARN and MOVE ON"

pero kadalasan nasstuck tau dun sa love parthanggang sa nakalimutan na nating matuto kaya di na tau makapagmoveon
payo lang sa lahat nandyan ang problema para lutasin
di para titigan buong arawat iyakan dahil iniisip mo wala ka nangmagagawa...
meron kang magagawa marami
di lang isa di lang dalawa...marami as in marami

kung nasasaktan ka na iwanan mo na sya wag na wag mong sasabihin saken namahal mo sya kaya ok lang na masaktan kakagaguhan yan
baka masampal pa kita nang kaliwat kanan likod at harap
kung niloko ka lokohin mo rin di na uso martyr ngaun matira matibay
ika nga at kung nagsawa kanawag mo nang patagalin
dahil habang pinapatagal mo yan mas marami ang nasasaktan
hindi lang kayo nang kasama mo sa relasyonn andyan ang bestfriend mo na matagal na pala na me gusto sayo at busit na busit na sa pagsabi mo na di mo na kayaat gusto mo ng hiwalayan gf/bf mopero di mo naman ginagawa
nandyan din ang kabarkada mo namatagal na palang me pagnanasa sa gf/bfmo at naghihintay lang nang magandang pagkakataon para masulot jowa mo
at marami pang ibaoh well senxa na sana me napulot kau kahit papano
and lagi nyong tatandaan

"HAYAAN MO SYANG MAGLAWAY"

-end-

thanks arghie.

thanks a lot!

♥ i'm dying..

2007-04-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

can't hardly breathe..

What faithless Vows you made to me.'

To love, respect and cherish thee'.

What a fool I turned out to be.

Believing vows I'll never see.

....

Dear heart.

Could you beat a little slower?

Cuz the frantic rhythm is getting to my head.

The laughter echoes off tainted walls..

Choruses of humility hide in every corner.

The embarrassment is sinking in..

Heart please stop.

Before everyone hears you.

Couldn’t he spare me some respect?

My head is spinning with regret.

he battered what of me was left.

Dear cheeks,

Could you lose a little color?

my hands can’t quickly cover all my face

The singing rings out in vibrant pains..

The torture, the pressure, the laughter, the stares..

I’m itching and yearning to get some fresh air.

With a giant leap I’m free again..

My head is spinning with regret..

regret.

dishonest one..

please die.

nineteen.

2007-04-21T13:51:00.000+08:00

i was browsing over the postsecret blogsite..

i found this image there..

-[caption: Subject: I dated my rapist

"I dated mine ... married him ... now 25 years and 3 kids later I'm finally figuring out why I've suffered from depression for so long. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone." -]

and cried.

don't ask me why.

nostalgia.

"Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world"- postsecret

i wanted to make a contact to the one who posted this..

i just wanted to.

put a little serotonin in it..

2007-04-19T20:04:00.000+08:00

this is pure genius..
get your doctor's note.

Paxilback - Gray Kid parody of Justin Timberlake's Sexyback

03:03
The Gray Kid and Daniel Stessen. Directed by People Food.

"i cannot make my phone ring by lookin at it."

haha

♥artist ka nga. con artist.♥

2007-04-19T01:49:00.000+08:00

Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.

blah.. blah..

have you ever heard Typecast's song "will you ever change"? nah.. i'm so f*ckin tired of things..okay.. things related to change. this is why i'm posting another entry at this time of day on earth.. it's past two o'clock in the morning and i'm havin this crazy feeling again.. well, it is a state of mind now.
i think i'm angry.. (i think)

months have passed.. things went wrong.. problems encountered.. lessons taught.. but they were NEVER LEARNED! why can't you learn!? yeah.. he never learned.. HE. always.. hurts me.. i guess i have never learned too.. but hey, i'm stronger now.. but it seems like i have never been kind, or at least have been gentle with myself.

i myself know that creative thought shapes destiny, and the hour-by-hour mental conduct produces power for change in life.. but i have never developed a train of thought on which to ride.. and i'm going nowhere. fast. the nobility of life as well as happiness depends upon the direction in which that train of thought is going.. and mine has a lost track.

It's time for a new mind about myself and my life.

i'll die early with him. never brought me happiness..
all the things i did.. the sacrifices.. i thought they were worth something..
i gave the shit love.. he gave me misery.. still i gave more love.. haha..

he needs change,a profound change, of mind and character..
i'm starting to hate him. again.
someone so selfish.. so mean.. don't deserve me.. never was worthy of the love i have given him..
the chances..

wasted.

just wasted.

Random acts of mindlessness..
Commonplace occurrences
Chances and surprises,another state of consciousness ..

conscientious stupidity..

i hate you.

Love isn't worth the pain when no love is returned.

sasa tennis player ka lang.. but why is it that love means nothing to you?
or maybe..

it's just me..

who means nothing to you?

this one's for you..

Holding on, that's what I do since I met you..
And it won't be long..Would you notice if I left you?And it's fine for some 'cause you're not the one,you're not the one there...All night long, laid on my pillow..These things are wrong.I can't sleep..

I have decided to leave you forever..i have decided to start things from here. thunder and lightning won't change what I'm feeling..and the daffodils look lovely today.. in your eyes I can see the disguise..
in your eyes I can see the dismay..

you're full of deceit..
your friends don't even know what kind of person you are..

you're fake.. hypocrite.

fine artist.

con artist.

kill yourself.

for the sake of humanity and the betterment of the society..

do it.

con artist.

_+ i hope you can read this.. 'tis only here where i can express how i feel. (maintindihan mo kaya? gatas.)

sobrang init

2007-04-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

22:08..
home at last.
it's hot. I’m tired. Neuralgic.. cephalalgia with a pain scale rating of 9..grrhhh..(kung pwede lang mag infuse ng analgesic sa utak.. pwehh.. wala palang pandamdam ang utak.. grrh..) plus.. my gums are bleeding!
ginugulo ako ngayon ni miss hamasaki sa kanyang awiting “evolution”.
…

Grrhh!

what a day.. woke up at eleven-thirty in the morning. Ginising lang ako ng tatay ko sa sigaw.. kailangan ko daw pumunta ng tindahan at tulungan ang aking mama..

checked my phone.. what I got? seventeen messages..
galing lahat sakanya.. oo. sya nga.. si ruhao ko.na supposed to be ay kagabi ko pa nabasa. delayed lagi messages ko ngayon sa sun.. and I’m getting sick of it. 3 hours delayed! Come on!.. lagi pa ng laLag ang aking primitibong telepono. I don’t wanna buy a new one though.. napaka kuripot kong tao.. o xa.. ruhao ibili mo ko.. toinks.

I ate breakfast without even having a mouthwash.. eww.. yeah.
Lactum.. saka bread.. courtesy of pareng dieg.. five pieces yun.. naubos ko within two minutes. Well.. hindi po ako nagsulat ngayon para I bulgar ang aking katakawan.. kundi.. ikwento ang kamalasan ko ngayong araw na to.. hehe.. kilala nyo si little loca? Yun.. sa pang factor.. kung gusto nuyo sumakit ulo nyo eh hanapin nyo mga mumunting pelikula nya sa you tube.

I don’t know.. this day.. is.. whhaa.. di ko man lang mahanap ang appropriate na adjective! Basta! Naiinis ako! Itatapon ko na cellphone na toh! Hay!

Wala ba kayo maibenta sakin? Kahit docomo lang.. pwede nah!

Naiiinis
Nababato
Naluluha
Hayok na hayok..

Sayo

Sayo

Sayoo!!!

Gatas.. walang kwenta ang poste na to..

Masakit na rin ang mata ko kaya hindi ko naiparating ang gusto kong sabihin..

well.. to be continued tayo..

shower nako..

Baka init lang to..

p.s.: readers.. don’t be fooled by the cute theme of my blog.. walang kaartehan dito.. and the tune that plays? Its purpose is to annoy you.. haha.. joke.

suffering.

2007-04-13T15:49:00.000+08:00

The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.

Thomas Merton (1915 - 1968)

♥ emancipated.

2007-03-03T22:28:00.000+08:00

what a blast..
the few weeks..

chaotic.
dramatic.
suspenseful..
pityful.
sorrowful..
angstful..
...
peaceful..

at last..

freedom.. from all the pain.. all the sorrows..

the love..

being emancipated from the pain..

turns to slavery of another..

pain.

losing someone you love..

aw..

i just had to do it..

for self-preservation.

painful..

just painful.

hearts..

2007-02-15T22:01:00.001+08:00

just a thought..

Your heart is a very fragile thing, give it to the wrong person and it's gonna break.
It takes someone very special to put the pieces back together again.

♥ heaven.. can wait..

2007-02-11T02:23:00.000+08:00

It would be nice if
we could throw away everything..
except what is most important;
love..

Reality is just cruel.

Whenever I close my eyes
you're there,smiling..

I hope your smiling face is with me until the day I fall into eternal sleep..

Are all people sad?
They are forgetful creatures...

For that which you should love,
for that which gives love:
give it all..

when we met
we were so awkward
We've taken the long road;
we've hurt each other along the way..

I hope your smiling face
is with me until the day
I fall into eternal sleep

when we met
we were so awkward
We've taken the long road,
but we've finally arrived..

and i love you..

i'm emo..but..

2007-02-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

i love this video! haha..

"f*c* you! do some karate!.."

haha..

♥ dearest.... honey

2007-02-09T09:16:00.001+08:00

It would be nice if we could put away and throw out everything except what really mattered, but reality is just cruel. In such times, I see you laughing whenever I close my eyes. Until the day I reach eternal sleep, that smiling face will have to stay with me without fail. People are all sad, so they go and forget, but-- For that which I should love, For that which gives me love, I will do what I can. Back then, when we met, it was all awkward. We went the long way, didn't we? We got hurt, didn't we? Until the day I reach eternal sleep, that smiling face will have to stay with me without fail. Back then, when we met, it was all awkward. We went the long way, didn't we? We got there in the end. .

♥ it's happening again..

2007-02-08T22:09:00.000+08:00

Tell me how you've never felt
Delicate or innocent
Do you still have doubts that
Us having faith makes any sense

Tell me nothing ever counts
Lashing out or breaking down
Still somebody loses 'cause
There's no way to turn around

Staring at your photograph
Everything now in the past
Never felt so lonely I
Wish that you could show me love

Show me love,'Til you open the door
Show me love, 'Til I'm screaming for more

Random acts of mindlessness
Commonplace occurrences
Chances and surprises
Another state of consciousness

Tell me nothing ever counts
Lashing out or breaking down
Still somebody loses 'cause
There's no way to turn around

Tell me how you've never felt
Delicate or innocent
Do you still have doubts that
Us having faith makes any sense

Give me all that I want
'Til I'm screaming for more..

ice

first of illusions..

2007-02-08T11:53:00.000+08:00

just created an account.. well..
i can't do anything else but write..
i'm out of school now..
so..
chill!