Sunday, July 15, 2007

FDW.


SE K750i.

gusto ko nito.
mukhang malabo ko na mabawi yung SLR cam ko sa taong pinaghiraman ko..

#@%#^#$#!!!!

chi, ganito ba phone moh?
ganda resolution. walang sinabi N90.

minsan minsan lang ako magkainteres sa mga ganitong bagay ha.. hehe..

donations everyone??



________________
ahaha.. edit.

the probability of goin to hell.
daw.
whoah!

Your Deadly Sins

Gluttony: 60%

Envy: 20%

Pride: 20%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Sloth: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You'll die from a diabetic coma.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

in the end, take a bow.


at peace..
malapit na matapos ang lahat! hahaha..

at kung may darating pa. kaya.
=)

got a new friend.

13. thanks. thanks a LOT.
eye opener.
-libre kita when i get to FEU.-
and to my Shepherd of course.
=)

______________________________________

I've been tagged by tami.
the seven random things about me.. that people usually don't know.

okay.


1. i take a bath at past twelve a.m.. everyday.
2. i always get late going to appointments and to school because i unintentionally and unknowingly pass a lot of time in front of the mirror..(natutulala lng ako)
3. i listen to jazz music.. at fine arts talaga ang gusto kong kurso sa kolehiyo.pero masaya din ako sa nursing.

4. i love to cook. (non-meat. hehe)
5. gustong-gusto ko yung syrup sa fruit cocktail na puro preservatives ang content.
6. i am a very sensitive person. 'di halata.
7. i want to live in a secluded island. walang pera walang polusyon walang ingay. puro gulay at isda..may electric supply. solar-generated. =) minimum of two electronic devices lang pwede. ( un ang laptop at speakers.) wewewe.. (problema ko kanin. T_T)


'yun lang po.
i won't tag others.
i got reasons.peace.




this week.
____________
nag absent me sa school to help a friend in need.
napagalitan ako ng mama ko.

magaan na pakiramdam ko sa mga bagay na nakakasakit sa akin.
iniwan ko na kase.
hahaha

napagalitan ako sa mama ko dahil pinahiram ko slr camera nya.
pentax kc 'yun.
after 11 hrs, di na xa galit
binigyan ko kc xa ng mahabag-damdaming birthday card.

nalaman ko na hindi na applicable ang pagiging santo ngayon.
masakit.
di lang sa'yo
kundi sa mga taong nag-aaruga sa'yo
hehehe..
alagaan ang sarili.

parang amo ka na inaalagaan ang aso mo..
tas kakagatin ka pa.
gayunpaman, hindi ako gaganti.

pagod na ako.

tapusin na ang palabas.
sawa nako sa tema.
sawa na'ko sa mga tauhan.
tama na ang mga ilusyon.

magic.

bagong pahina naman.
***
happy to leave you.

ngayong alam ko na talaga mga baraha mo.
inhumane ka talaga.
*****


Wish you well, I cannot stay.
You deserve an award for the role that you played .
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star.

Say your lines but do you feel them.
Do you mean what you say when theres no one around..
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[one lonely star you don't know who you are]

I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known its true
You took my love for granted, why oh why?
The show is over, say good-bye.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

sick cycle


practice what you preach chei.

i'm starting to hate you.

Monday, July 9, 2007

living in the shadows of deceit


"I deny the lawfulness of telling a lie to a sick man for fear of alarming him. You have no business with consequences; you are to tell the truth...It may bring his distemper to a crisis, and that may cure him. Of all lying, I have the greatest abhorrence of this, because I believe it has been frequently practiced on myself".- Samuel Johnson

tama. 'yan ang header ko.

"i have the greatest abhorrence of this....
....I believe it has been practiced on myself."

lies.
false reassurance.
faking.
malik-mata.
mirage.
multo.

"okay lang kahit murahin mo pa ako."
"kung masasakit na salita sabihin mo sa akin."
"basta totoo."
-wag ganito.

-sana masabi ko.


if you'll stab me, make it quick.
use an ice-pick. katana pwede rin.
pierce right through me.
stab hard. stab deep.

wag 'yung ganito.
small blade..
slowly cutting through me..
superficial.
unti-unti.

Don't break it to me gently.
I don't need your lies.
lalong sumasakit.
mahirap.

cut my heart and slash my soul.

tao ako.


sana di ka gumaganti.

(ayy stupid i forgot di mo pala alam blogsite ko. of all people. hahaha)


>melodies of life: napansin ko lang. halos lahat ng post dito ay malungkot. sana maiba naman ang tugtog.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

separation anxiety attack

nababaliw ako.
this song can't stop playin' on my mind..
the whole day.
ewan. di naman uso 'toh ngaun ah? yee!
lagi ko sinasabi wala akong fear.
ngayon pala eh lahat kinatatakutan ko..
dami naiicp.
bored kahit dami ginagawa.
OC.
paranoid in denial.


I Try
Macy Gray

Games, changes and fears..
When will they go from here?
When will they stop?
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together,
But we're not.
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you.
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning..

I try to say goodbye and I choke,
Try to walk away and I stumble.
Though I try to hide it, it's clear.
My world crumbles when you are not near..

I may appear to be free,
But I'm just a prisoner of your love..
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave.
But my smiles are just a front.
Just a front, hey..
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you.
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning.


Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
Deny.


Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, it's clear (sick of love)
My world crumbles when you are not near (your love, kisses and..)





_______________
kanina


napadpad ako sa tarlac.(business matters.)
habang nagaabang ng jeep for almost an hour..
nakakita ako ng live na autobot..
si optimus prime. haha..
saya ko..
'yun nga lang hindi xa nagtransform. dinaanan lang ako.
at inalikabukan.
sayang.



malungkot parin.
eto mensahe ko sa single friends. na malungkot at nangungulit.
(hi mei!)
hindi 'big sabihin na hindi ka single eh masaya kana.
minsan, di ka naman talaga in-love.
emotionally attached lang.
dependent ka sa taong 'yon.
woot!
at 'pag nawawala, eh.. uhm.. tama na.

+

loneliness of being single.
hindi rin siguro sagot ang friends.
nagiging distraction sila, para sumaya ka for a moment.
they help..
and when you're alone, you're alone.
mag-iisip ka na naman.
hindi rin sagot ang bf/gf.
parang alcohol yan, parang caffeine.
bakit? di ko alam. nasabi ko lang. isipin mo nalang.


find comfort in yourself first.
alagaan mo 'yung snowglobe moh..
'dun ka sa loob. protected.
parang shield yan against Boazanian monsters.
then one day..
biglang may magbabasag.
shattered na ang snow globe mong maganda.
( hihi.. so mean of me to say.. but it is true.)
kaya be ready.
ika nga ni Darwin:
"
It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change. "

=)

la lang.
pasenxa na kung ano naiicp ko eh sinusulat ko.
naiisip ko lang si mei.
iska kaya mo yan.

ako.
taken..
and alone.
haha..
life.

babush.



Saturday, July 7, 2007

seven seven seven

alleicarg is alone.frustrated.
this is the day i was always waiting for since July 7, 2002.
sigh.. (may tinanong ako kay God nung araw na yun sa Church. teary-eyed pah..)

the moment i woke up this morning, i sent friends txt messages na "happy 777." fave number ko din ang seven.
it should be a happy day. blessed.. lucky, ect.. blah blah..

turns out, hindi.
grrhh..


supposed to be, may papanoorin ako kanina with a friend.
or.. i would have somebody hancuffed.. =) (ui nag-isip xa..)
what happened was...

>i printed out thirty pieces of balloons this morning, because nag-absent yung isang nagtatrabaho sa shop namin.. 'tas ako pa ngGlaze. so tiring. may vertigo ako so hilong-hilo na ako kanina.. and i forgot to bring Serc with me.

>nasayang nanaman unli ko ng 5 days coz wla akong katext. kahit si E.T. I think he's mad at me. snoban nanaman kami.

>my mother and i brought my little sister to the hospital coz she's having relapses of fever, and may earache..

>my sister was admitted to the hospital. Diagnoses: pneumonia with otitis media.

>i went home. alone.
naglakad ako sa ulan.
so cold..
i'm wet.
i got 100 bucks left.
i passed by two lovers. ang sweet nila.
the boy won't let a drop of rain fall on his girl.(un tingin ko.)
asa kanya na jacket, pinayungan pa, tas naka-akbay.
wow. dry and warm. with the presence of her boyfriend.
masaya sila.

okay, so nainggit nanaman ako..


>bf ay nasa malate. pumunta sa gig. di 'man lang nagtxt. (okay nagpaalam naman)
this paranoid personality disorder of mine is overworking again.
i tried to call. tas dinrop ko. hehe..
"pag masaya ka nakakalimutan mo ako."
re:"wala akong load. nagpapasa lang."


wow.
i shouldnt't care.
don't worry di na kita hahanapin.
i won't worry anymore kung napano ka na or what. (posible ba yun? duh chei?.. oo)

nakakainis pag alam mo na ugali ng isang tao.
nakakainis din when someone tries to lie to you, and turns out he's a bad lier.

nakakainis.


i need a hug.


sige. i'm tired and i want to sleep nah.
nagkwento lang ako.
complaints..

iniisip ko tuloy kung ano sagot ni God.


again, i need a hug. sigh..

_____________
nawalan ng power supply nang itinatype ko ang post na to.
buti may autosave ang blogger.
so lucky.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Tanga daw si St. Mother Theresa,.


"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."- Mother Theresa

If love hurts, then love some more, if love hurts some more, then love even more, if love hurts even more... then love 'till it hurts no more..

yan.
hmm.. kung mababasa to ni E.T. pamilyar to skanya.
("Loving you doesn't hurt me anymore. I have learned to understand you. bleeh!")


tama na drama.
wala lang. walang kwenta. share ko lang. haha..
no. thing is, in my Christian Formation class this morning, and that topic is what's bothering my 2nd-year
classmates.(i'm supposed to be a fourth-year BSN student but then i dropped out of school last february,on my third year at school, so irreg ako ngayon and i have 2nd-year and fourth-year classmates.. blah blah..)

two days na nilang pinaguusapan yan. mind-boggling daw. sigh.

here's the question: kaya mo bang ibigay ang lahat para sa mahal mo? Lahat? buo?
karamihan sa mga nakababata naming kaklase ay sumagot na:"No. I can't give my all to the person I love."

me thinking:
"huh? anu ba yon? nagmahal kaba talaga non? anu daw? baka iba naiisip nila? baka katawan? anu?? di naman siguro."

nagtanong muli ang aking gwapong professor:"Are you willing to give everything? sacrifice everything for the people you love? Are you willing to GIVE YOURSELF to others? the whole of you? "
yung classmate ko sa mismong likod ko nag-react violently,pasigaw: "huh?! anoh? katangahan na 'yun noh!! TANGA lang gagawa nyan!"

.. bigla ako napatingin sa kanya. tinignan ko talaga sa mata.resigned look. smile ako jan. then, i resumed drawing in my lil notebook. sarcastic ah.

me thinking (1 000 000 neurons per second):
"nakuha nya naman siguro nais kong ipahiwatig. siguro hindi pa nya maintindihan. hindi pa sya nagmahal. minahal ba nya pamilya nya? hmm.. well, she's sixteen. and maybe she had experienced loving someone.

and she's just scared to love again.

true.

i also got to that point in my life that i was scared to love.
Love makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses..you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one person comes into your life..You give them a piece of you. Oftentimes they didn't ask for it.. They'll do something dumb one day and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you..baka she was left behind or was suddenly dumped by someone she trusted. okay, so mejo nakakatakot nga ma-inLove. andun na ako."


sagot ng gwapong prof: what about Jesus? he gave everything. Sacrificed... blah blah..(CF subject toh!) Si Mother Theresa, sabi nya magmahal ka lang ng magmahal. ibigay mo lahat ng sarili mo. So, miss _, tanga pala si Mother Theresa? Saint Mother Theresa. wala palang pwedeng maging santo dito ngayon?
kung nagmahal ka pero hindi mo ibinigay ang buo ng iyong sarili, nagmahal ka nga ba?"


silence hits the class.

someone said: "pano ko po ibibigay ang sarili ko? edi wala nang natira sakin?"

naisip ko:"asayo parin naman ang katawan mo. i-share mo lang siguro. kahit naman mamatay ka may maiiwan parin sayo. yung kaluluwa mo." ( wag sana ma mis-interpret)

mukha bang joke? o loka loka nagsulat?


haha.. dba? diba? ako aaminin ko. ganun ako. i love to help kahit na alam kong mapapabayaan ko na yung sarili kong needs. ewan. natural lang. Am I stupid? malamang. at one point. pero i'm bothered when i don't help someone who needs help. Charity tawag 'don. Ito na siguro ang dahilan kung bakit ako pumasok sa masakit sa ulo na nursing.siguro. it makes my life meaningful. kahit na aaminin ko ang gusto ko talagang kunin na kurso ay Fine Arts or Architecture.. masaya parin ako sa pagtulong.


hindi dapat tungkol dito isusulat ko ngayon. marami gumugulo sa isip ko.
parricide, LADLAD Party list, autobots, ocean's 13, slr ko, di kami bati ni ET, vertigo..

pero.. o xa..

inaantok na rin ako. hindi nya ako bati.


-sana walang mahiya o matakot magbigay ng komento. di ako nangangagat. masarap ang diskusyon.

bow