Friday, June 29, 2007

the lotus is in bloom.

love the life

some lines from joni mitchell's song "both sides now"

Rows and floes of angel hair,
And ice cream castles in the air..
and feather canyons everywhere..
I've looked at clouds that way.

But now they only block the sun.
They rain and snow on everyone..

So many things I would have done,
But clouds got in my way..

Tears and fears and feeling proud,
to say I love him right out loud.
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
I've looked at life that way.

But now old friends are acting strange..
They shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Well something's lost, but something's gained, in living every day.

As every fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way...

..But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go.
And if you care, don't let them know,
Don't give yourself away.
I've looked at love from both sides now.
From give and take, and still somehow...
i love you.

sigh.. july's coming.

i've spent the whole month of june singled out,and in contemplation..
i finally found myself.

i was wrong. in sooO many ways.
i confess i have been so self-centered.
i realized he's not a pig after all.
i cheated on him.
i realized i was dumb.
I've known who my real friends are.
i admit i was weak.
i should've fought harder.
i've known that i am such a paranoid freak.
i have a number of personality disorders..
three.. and counting.

Dependent Personality Disorder

[involves severe and disabling emotional dependency on others. have difficulty making decisions without a great deal of advice and reassurance from others. urgently seek out another relationship when a close relationship ends. They feel uncomfortable by themselves.]

Paranoid Personality Disorder

[feel constant suspicion and distrust toward other people. believe that others are against them and constantly look for evidence to support their suspicions. hostile toward others and react angrily to perceived insults.]

Borderline personality disorder

experience intense emotional instability, particularly in relationships with others. may make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment by others. experience minor problems as major crises. may also express their anger, frustration, and dismay through suicidal gestures, self-mutilation, and other self-destructive acts. They tend to have an unstable self-image or sense of self.

may gaahshh! psychotic!

uhmm.. i'm not trying to seek professional counseling though..

i already have my counselor. hehehe..
he's an extra-terrestrial creature.

i love this life.

addendum ni doc:

these days.
i spend a lot of time on cooking.

kanina, i bought something special for someone special sa mall.
i was alone.
and was happy.

gusto ko mapanod ocean's 13 or transformers.
papanorin namin is harry potter.
at least..
it's for free! ehe..

'yung SLR ko, pahiram ko muna kay e.t.
sana di hanapin samin.
lookin forward to see his grandmOm again.
i hope her health gets better.

ano kaya dadalhin ko?
i'm not supposed to be writing about this.

it's extremely dangerous.



Anonymous said...

yah! MtGaL ko na deng naFeel Yang mga disOrders na yan! ehehe..meron pa yta ako ngaUn...kYLngan nteng mgpaREHAB! ehe.. 1 year na ako inLive, sa isang tao lang. ansaya at anLungkot! eniweiz, sa post mong ito, pati pLa ako, ganun den nung June...eheh,..hayasaki toh! ja!

hayasaki said...

bat gNon? hndi ko alam pano mgComment d2? haaaaaaay... ehehe...

palaboy™ said...

*Dependent Personality Disorder
- ikaw nga ni michael jackson...u r not alone... for 22 years of my life i was suffering from the same disorder fortunately working at home makes me dependent... :D but i miss the old ME...

Paranoid Personality Disorder
- again... this is so me.... copy paste ko nalang kaya to sa blog ko??? hehehehe - i have tendencies not to trust other people... trusting them give them the power to hurt me... awww...

Borderline personality disorder
- damn... another me... pwede pacopy nito ha??? ^_^ link ko nalang sa blog mo...

† alleicarg † said...

yeah.. napansin ko ang dami ng blogs moh..